洋蔥

如果你愿意一層一層一層 的剝開我的心
你會發現 你會訝异
你是我 最壓抑 最深處的秘密

如果你愿意一層一層一層 的剝開我的心
你會鼻酸 你會流淚
只要你能听意 到我
看到我的全心全意

...阿信/楊宗緯

守株待兔

there is a chinese idiom that defines my life.
守株待兔

the little pleasures

collages and blog design
the only 2 things i do which MAY come close to the term 'design'
but i know for sure they do make me happy.

music: Memories by The Melody

i dont only forget the little things, I forget the important one too

was thinking though the conversations that have taken place recently (most of which do not deviate too far from graduation and career) and trying to organize them into words. i find myself recalling what I remember as Mr Wee's life lessons and singing to myself the favourite hymn he makes us sing.

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.

I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

humbling

what have i been up to?

what have i been up to. after my last paper at 11am, the initial plan was to loiter around till dinner time and meet F.M. my final paper, the final lap of my education (as far as i see it now).... i was left alone craving for mcdonald's hotcakes. and that didn't come true either because i then realize it was pass the breakfast time and i found myself wandering in the little streets of bugis.

i have a penchant for such streets, streets that reminds you of the old and the new, surviving together. it almost feels like i'm in an exploration, soaking up what i see and hoping i'd find something interesting, hidden away in this unflattering street.

i found and settled on this beef noodle shop which reminds me of the pho place in Vietnam ( i forgot if its in Hanoi or HCMC) just that instead of pho it was kway teow. its funny how memory works, how u remember some and forget some. like how i cannot even recall what city it was in but i recall the auntie who spoke chinese and the dog whom fi claims that it ate up a croakroach which was there and then was gone. Link: Hock Lam Beef Noodles - Purvis St (where Ms Clarity is)

and then i found myself in the library. after all those years of studying, i would have think books would be the last thing i'd touch for awhile. i didn't expect myself to end up in a library but i did. i gave up the thought of loitering as i was tired from the lack of sleep from the night before and went home with books.

and the rest of it, its history. in a literal sense really, because i spent it on The Kite Runner which was almost like going through Afgan history which made me ashamed of myself really. because all this while, i've never bothered with current affairs and to know it from fiction, riveting as it is, is merely scratching the surface. we will never know, God forbid that we ever know, how things really are like.

p/s: do let me know if you have any good reads to recommend/lend me.

a graduation piece

Hold up
Hold on
Dont be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Dont be scared (dont be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why are you scared? (Im not scared)
You'll never change
Whats been and gone

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Were all of us stars
Were fading away
Just try not to worry
Youll see us some day

Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

...Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis

this is the end and also the beginning and along with it accompanies a sense of joy, fear, hesitation, uncertainty, hope. i pray that we have hope.

nobody can tell us for sure that we will know our way, we will find our way or that we will get there. nobody can tell us for sure that a dream job can live up to expectation or the risk or opportunity is worth it. but i pray that we have hope.

take the hope that you have and be on your way. i pray that you have hope.

i hope this speaks to you in the same way it has for me..

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

...Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

jiey

it's just that few hours away...

i wish for another time to say
hello and goodbye.

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello

....Hello & Goodbye - The Beatles

welcome home.

i met up with a friend who counts how long i've known him by the world cups. i know 9 years, thats 2 world cups. from post secondary school (which means im discounting all those group gatherings and the time he was forced to study with me for the O's), i don't think i can count the number of times i met him with my 10 fingers. and of the last 2 meet-ups, it was so long ago he had to remind me when they happened.

but....... not that it changed anything. there's something so distinctly familiar about our friendship that it wouldnt be right if we didnt drink, if he didnt smoke, if i didnt have anything to say about him smoking. so to me, it didnt feel right when in my occasional decision to log on to msn, he asked where i've disappeared to, i didnt even log on to facebook.... it didnt feel right when he had to look for me when he needed someone to talk to.

times like this i realize that a passive, lazyass like me depend on people like him to keep the friendship alive. and yes, i do feel remorseful.

like i said, you told me once that "its all part of growing up"....
so same thing to you... its all part of growing up.. it depends on when you realize it.

after all you are just human, and this is one of your few but hard fall but you know that your family is there to pick you up to start over. nobody can tell you how, when, what, where (or even who for that matter) that moment will be, but in the end i know things will be okay again.

but till then, preserve that liver. and that optimism i still see in you.