this morning, i experienced one of the most torturous conversations ever and its hard to explain why it affected me so much. my dad was chatting with his clients, a husband and wife duo who owns the coffeeshop, when i joined them for breakfast. and because their daughter who is from SMU too, they asked me if I know her. And I said no because all I know about her is her face, recognizable as the 'happening' people in SMU i suppose. And they started to talk about exchange and how she is in Europe and traveling to Paris, Italy and what not. And asked if I went and is going for an exchange.
[as this point in time as I am writing this, apple pops in his head to read and i began to tell him what happened. a few sentences and I was all muffled.]
the whole conversation then just revolved around the couple talking about what a spendthrift their daughter is, how pampered she is, how she spent $10,000 at Hong Kong alone, that I should go for exchange, once in a life time, enjoy while you are young, do I go clubbing, "oh your daughter is very sensible not like mine", "my son is in USA he doesnt want to come back", "oh you have a son too right". and all i could do is "er..ya...hurhur" and continue to stuff my face in noodles. i hated the way how it affected both my dad, mum and I. Even if they didnt say it, they must have felt alot when they hear about what they can offer for their kids and my dad can only say "dont say so much to her, she's also craving just that there is no money" i don't want them to feel that way. Even if I were to go anywhere, I am going on my own efforts, I don't want my parents to feel that they owe me something.
and i don't want to hear my own mother putting my dad down in front of all these strangers who know nuts about my family. and i couldn't show what I feel about all these even though i was downright miserable, and as I explain all these to apple verbally, I guess I found an outlet to release what I feel.
its not about feeling sorry for myself. i dont know what is it all about, why has that conversation affected me so much, but now that i cried it all out, it shall be left as a forgotten conversation.
when the pearls dry up and my insides stop quivering, everything is okay again. thank you apple, u were unlucky.
6 comments:
Eh neh neh don't worry lah. Not everyone goes on exchange and stuff mah. I also not going. But doesn't mean that studying in just SMU is sad lor. I'm quite happy staying in singapore. Don't know save how much. =)
My whole group of friends are just normal people like us. Not rich nor too poor. We can't afford to go on exchange. But we make the most out of our school days.
Chill lah neh neh.
-Chongky
that is not why i am so upset. like a kid who cannot get my candy. but i know what u mean. neways, im okay! =)
I know why u're upset lah. It's the family. These kind of things are out of our control. Like i always assure my parents that i am happy with what i am doing now and i have no intention to go exchange. Guess that somehow make them feel better.
My mom has been asking me to study my forth year for double degree. She can provide basic education for me in singapore, but i reckon that we are all better off if i stop after 3. Lighten the burden. Save the money.
My bro just signed on. Another Tiny.
- chongky
eh... i dun really know wat to say or how to say it... but just wanna let u know that we will alwaes be here for u... if u need any help or listening ear just tell us ok. wan drink also can... though i cutting down liao... wahaha
cheers
weizhong
wz: im just glad u didnt see it. haha i look pathetic. i dont want drink beer anymore...
:) wish i was there in a way though.... no worries, we can mug together and make tons of money next time!!!! haha sch darn sian hor.... cant wait to get out and start working....
wz
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