“The journey of finding oneself is neverending”.

2006.

Ever since varsity life started, it seems like I’m living a year twice over. Instead of a year, it seems that 2 years has passed, because as a student, our lives are clearly demarcated by the academic calendar.

When Gan Ann asked what my achievements for this year are, I couldn’t think of anything. She said “what about climbing?” Regarding this role, my post-mortem of it is that I played the role the best I could, but I am not the best person for it. Undeniably, it was a source of my frustrations. A shoe too big for me to fill, a journey of keeping my head above waters.

Then I said “Maybe my grades.” Now I am not sure if I was just plain lucky or was it because of my hard work that I managed to pull up my GPA earlier, because now my efforts returned me with a B- majority. And I did work hard.

All of this I want to neatly wrap up & proclaim it “OVER”. But fears sets in of having the unsettled remnants of this package spill over and trip me in my future walk. I have learnt that the feelings you feel should never be overlooked, not by you and not by anyone, because they are the realest reflection of what you are and what you want. By ignoring them, you are only setting yourself to face them all over again. In life we make mistakes, mistakes that are irreversible. And its irreversibility forces us to grow. We pay to learn this lesson, some payment more tangible than others.

“The journey of finding oneself is neverending”. The fact that I actually think that I made a really smart statement, is the summation of how I feel towards Year 2006. Through the game of winning and losing, gaining & sacrificing, the one thing you reap for sure is the gradual understanding of yourself. I think its impossible to fully understand any human being, not your close ones, not even yourself. Maybe because we are ever changing, and that we are a body of such complex & contradictory thoughts and actions. Feelings of jealousy, envy, weariness, like, love, lust, hatred that sometimes make you wonder “hey, why am I like that?”. That’s just another facet of you that you discovered. The difference and the crux, however, lie in how you deal with these feelings. Instead of sticking yourself down in this pithole of feelings and relegate yourself to depression and emoness, accept them openly then let them go.

A girl in a show describes herself as a groundhog. Her less-than-average family status gave her feelings of jealousy, envy, unhappiness. But she tells herself, yes I am a groundhog, so I wont ask for what isn’t mine. Would you call that under-achieving? I would say that maybe that is the key of letting go of all these negativities & finding happiness in the place you are most comfortable with.

I have found the place I am most comfortable with at this end of the Year 2006.

i was happiest, because I got high with Wu Yue Tian twice over. because I went to Hongkong, the first of my traveling trips. I turned 21, which wasn't that great a transition, but people who cared for me, gathered just to celebrate this day.

最想听到的是 “我支持你，我了解你。” 很多时候，非如此。2007， 请纵容我的自私 因为我不想被束缚。 对我重要的事，我一定会握紧双手绝对不放。我相信有一天，我能找到属于自己的那种笃定。“我和我骄傲的倔强，握紧双手绝对不放。 下一站是不是天堂，就算失望，不能绝望。”

its 2007 already?

drey asked if i have gone out of singapore cos of my lack of updates. if ur current lifestyle is as sedentary as mine, i suppose you wont be writing about how much you slept or how much tv time you've clocked. okay, im just hoping rest can help me look better and feel better. but on the contary, im breaking out & i have caught the cold. i've been procrastinating on the need to clean up my room. ok i'd first start with cleaning up knotty.

resolutions:
be a chao mugger
to love my brother more.

to F.M.:
may be win that 2 million and live like queens. we could start up a business. buy a car (mafia mobile). i guess we could buy del a new handphone. hahaha, are u dreaming like me already??

By the way, budget flight usually have one way promo only and its from SG. maybe we should considering flying over then train-ing back. SG - Hanoi: 87.23 SGD. Based on promo, July.

some random pictures

a gift from apple from Taiwan. i picked these cos they were Christmasy. i wore the paul franks on the really cold rainy nights whilst snuggled underneath my comforter. bliss.

at moses's. i look spastically funny but happy. i really love his balcony.

crabs!

am still feeling very happy from the seafood feast we had just now. fi introduced this cheap place to eat seafood & being the foodie that we are, we just couldn't give it a miss plus it was a belated birthday dinner for manda. we were already smitten with the 1st dish that was served - which was crab served fishhead beehoon style. gan ann was drinking from the ladle towards the end. that's how good it was. then we had our usual favourites: sambal stingray, kangkong, ha jiong gai (prawn paste chicken) & cereal prawns. we took pictures & said some quote worthy stuff.

we realized singlish is an acquired language, which you will appreciate more when you are overseas. it expresses everything but other people dont understand it. manda: "in hongkong, they wont understand lala, chutchut & gong gong". fi: "prawns arent meant to be photogenic, they are meant to be edible." they also realized i eat weird stuff & they love to take pictures of me eating weird stuff. i think we realized it long ago but we reemphasized how we love to make fun of people, clothes, in fact everything. and also that we are always eating so our pictures have the same poses with same props. usually chicken wings but tonight we have crabs.

as if that wasnt enough,manda was craving for tangyuan after that, so we dropped by 85 tabaoed ah balling & ate in fi's car. being stuck in the traffic jam in town with fi spouting expletives, starving for the day (for me), gaining calories - was worth it. really. we even made it a date to go there for our reunion dinner. so hear ye jan! what? who is del?

Christmas Day 2006

because i woke up in the wee hours of the day, i shall blog about the happenings of 25th dec 2006 - Christmas. the day where i ate a lot. i woke up remembering that i had krismy kreme in my fridge, hahaha 1 week old from Hongkong. heated it up, test tasted it, and MAN. the thought in my mind was this "stupid fiona heng, all out to make me fat". u see, the ones i had, were dripping with honey & the other with caramel. a sweet christmas morning indeed.

after which, it was my mum's ban mian affair. as usual, people were invited. F.M came along (without the Phantom of course. Phantoms are phantoms) and manda had this box of krisy kreme for gan ann and fi brought along cream puffs & mochi from tokyo. we counted the countries fi has been to in a single year, talked about slapable accents, kuchimomos, bad english etc.

i thought i'd give it a rest but weizhong last line over the phone was "i dont care. 20 mins, i pick you up". OKAY, so hailing him and I ended up at Parkway playing pool. I tell u, that is one thing can NEVER EVER master. and we wrapped up the night with ba chor me at 85. if there are 1 (ok 3) thing(s) i can NEVER EVER resist, its sushi, durian & 85 ba chor mee. MUST eat.

that's for Christmas day. and the above, are my gifts for this year.

i shall go sleep again, because the rain is absolutely divine.

不醉

i did click some plastic wine glass, but other than that Christmas Eve was fairly normal. it drizzled as per normal, did the shopping & movies. the usual activities in town. after which i joined the hung out with the older crowd at my auntie's place. that's the Christmas eve of 2006 which felt all too normal.

伤城：
邦 （金城武）： 酒有什么好喝的？
熙 （梁朝伟）： 酒好喝的地方在于它难喝

the scene whereby takeshi kaneshiro in his bloodiness, looked up. trembled, then began sobbing. was classic. for that, i put him above tony leung.

hanging out

having the holidays means that we have more time to catch up with one another. last night was a classic "sad 21 year olds with no life" moment. we went for a supper we hardly ate, wanted to ktv but it couldn't manifest, so we thought we should go see some christmas lights but passed it, ended out at beautiful Mount Faber which we lamented about our lives while looking at couples kuchimomo. but it's definitely a nice night to remember. i like alan's magic school bus.

today was the Christmas gathering for the climbers. lots of food. and stupid games as usual. this time we didnt torture each others' hands, but made each other stuff mashmallows in their mouth. The record is 15 mashmellows. it was disgusting. i only managed 4 and i was choking & snorting.

the best thing about the hols is how days pass by each day peacefully without being stressed out by deadlines. how everything slows down. start noticing the beautiful colours of the sky, the nice weather. i wish it could remain like that. 我的要求真的并不多。

fi: your kristy kreme & lo por bang was a bonus. i will savour all of them tomorrow! i am touched.

amble

off to see some pilots in a few seconds. i wish they could fly me along to somewhere. i think i have gotten hang of the feeling of being by myself. sing dance & being silly. now i wish i could be whisked off to somewhere to allow me to wander around aimlessly somewhere by myself. go on sweep me off my feet.

RAIN

the rain makes me reluctant to get out of bed in the morning when i am all tucked in nicely in my comforter. i like it better when its drizzling with the breeze is blowing and when the sky is still nice blue and cloudy. i do not like the storms that wet my shoes, even worse when i'm shivering in the air-con bus. the rain gladens some. but bring floods to others. waters that submerge cars & houses, trapping people in their house, washing away cars. things happening just in our neighbouring country.

itchy itchy scratchy watcy

my eczema acting up quite badly all of a sudden last night, when the last time i had it was when i was in Primary school. subsided in the morn (the plan was to not work if it hadnt. haha) so i'm back here. went over to my ah mah's last night because I was feeling very guilty for not having visited her for the longest time. the only time I actually do speak to her was only over the telephone when she calls. haha, WHEN i do have a car, i will chauffeur my ah mah around. WHEN i have it that is. but for now, money flies out of my hand. feel that i am spending faster than i earn, and its just the daily expenses. hurphm.

专属天使

tank-专属天使

我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤

小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想 透过你的眼光
我才看见它 原来在前方

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上

拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
小小的手掌大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方就是我的方向

有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
要不是你出现我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜

for the co-emcee. u know we are happy for you. =)

错了

想要逃到快乐的地方去。是我吗？责任。obligation. 金钱。好讨厌这些名词。

jfeng 21st

happy birthday jfeng!

has been a special celebration, a nice one to wrap up all of our 21st birthdays. thank u for being one of my good buddy in ahscds for being there to share stuff & also religion wise. i think u have really be a sport today, and from only the usual people been overtly high (ahscds'01), u made everyone very spontaneous.

had a little too bit much to drink after that. but everything ended nicely. now im just hungry... and as usual when its TOO late. i cant bear to sleep.

心理游戏

人们总是喜欢谈感情事。也许因为爱情患得患失。人们总对抓拿不住的事物特别的眷恋。这是human nature. 没有所谓的对或错。对于我这种已经发霉的人，朋友总是特别好奇。有没有喜欢的人啊？这个人到底有没有爱过? 总想八卦一些 “love history”.

中学时候，就有个习惯。女生嘛，当然会有喜欢的人。但是我始终认为“喜欢”不应该由我先说。我是女生。所以只有等待。等待让人胡乱猜测。再等待让人失去信心。再再等待让人失去耐心。不想再等待了， 因为不喜欢单恋，因为看不到结果。所以，我会下个时间限制。过了那时候，我就不喜欢了。在那期间，发现并没有那么想念，日子照常过。为了自己一个人的穷紧张，而感到不甘心。当那天终于到了，想好了很多理由，所以就能很理直气壮的不喜欢了。What you think, it is.

有些东西，没有对或错。跟自己玩些心理游戏 是成长的过程。很爱有多爱？What you think, it is. 可能爱情只是凭空想象，也不一定。

这是我很鸡婆的看到了“冲上云霄”的spoiler, 所以今天看戏的时候很depressed 过后的感想。那个一直在身旁的云志 Vincent 死了。会不会因此后悔，而开始珍惜？因为他也变成了和Sam 一样遥不可及。(No, I won’t read anymore spoilers!)

lihong makes me wanna dance

it is only on still waters, that ripples will be seen when a stone is cast. ripples that only last for awhile. so let me be still and do not rain on me. or if you should, let me be the choppy stormy sea that takes in whatever that's thrown at me unblinkingly. i rather not be affected. not alone anyway.

Christmas in 11 Days

(I know you love me.)

drop in your virtual gifts for eu. see if you can read my mind =) (virtual is good for us poor students no?) at least to help me entertain myself whilst I sit here doing data entry. I would like for myself to have a non-achy back or a neverending supply of massage services.

Took our baby steps in the loreal brandstorm case study, which was tempting to give up & not try at all, looking at the vast amount of research that needs to be done & the so little time we have left as of now. But we'd still give it a shot anyhow. So would appreciate any form of help & information regarding salon haircare. If you frequent salon that sells hair products, please let me know what they sell & if you buy them.

After our meeting, I met my brother who is currently working at Sim Lim Sq. now. While our relationship improved with me now usually playing the role of the naggy sister, going out is still something new. It was just a short time at Bugis while he had his dinner & I got my hands on Lee Hom's Gai Shi Ying Xiong DVD (which was great by the way). talked while taking the train home.

I look at closely knitted siblings on tv, and also people like Hailing & her bro, i do start to wonder whether in future when we aren't living together, would we conveniently just stay out of each other lives & become strangers?

It would be better if I decide to go to FCBC and get involved in the same ministry, church service because it would be a binding force. However, I am most comfortable with where I am now at New Crea because it has been a turning point in my Christian walk. I have feel comfortable going alone, I enjoy the sermon & I always feel that I come out happier. The only problem is the distance & I get lazy rather often.

just rambling off some thoughts.

父子篇

记得有一个故事，述说一个妈妈因为太溺爱孩子而不纠正他的错误。 直到有一天，孩子因做错事而送进监牢。当妈妈去探儿子时，她的儿子咬断了她的耳朵，只因为他很痛恨妈妈为什重来没有引导他做对的事。

在戏里，郭富城的儿子咬断了他的耳朵。“我不想偷东西，为什么你叫我偷东西。我很害怕！” 父子。谁是父，谁是子，在戏里很像分不清楚。儿子反过来照顾只会埋怨别人父亲。而不懂表达自己的父子， 他的突然痛哭，也只把儿子吓坏了。时而敲打儿子的头，时而疼惜的抚摸着儿子的头发。到底该爱或恨这样的爸爸呢？

很多故事宣扬着父母对子女的爱与宽容，可是你们知不知道，子女也是以同样的宽容对待自己的父母。就算再怎么不好，我们都只有他们这对父母。你能原谅你的父母亲吗？

feeling incredibly restless. my back can't stop cracking even after i change my mattress. it's making me feel like an ah mah, and i'm tempted to pay some sensei a visit.

random:

weird names: Lam Cheow Tee. I cannot decide what's worse. This or Gaylord?

Canon in D: Following the success of "My Sassy Girl", song composers have to 'ngeh-ngeh' put in some form of Canon in D in their songs. Wu Ke Qun's Nan Yong was also inspired by Sassy Girl, and i love the opening line "na pum num, chu gor shi por?!" ["Bad/Stupid guy, you wanna die?!"]

Movies: the good movie are coming out in 2007. Top of the list would have to be Protege (Men Tu). And the others by Francis Ng. He's another must watch vetaran actor. My hongkong show friend, yes you fi & manda, together ok! unless u all watch in HK already....

父子

made a date with dad & mum to watch this tonight. this has got to be the longest time since the last time we went to the theatre as a family. the last time, i think, was when i was still in primary school.

phantom

my weekend has been great thus far. our sleepover at Hailing's last night was a mix of junk food, horror/humanitarian & superlame movie, 蜡笔小新, lychee blend, eggs, instant noodles, baileys & fun. but because wz & i were tired from work, we fell asleep & then subsequently so did the rest. woke up to more TV & food in the morning which made us feel like we're at a chalet.

the rest of today was spent with luckfine, catching up with this MIA friend. this day will be remembered in history. we talked about our dyfuctional friendship/family, school, stupid songs we used to sing. i realized she had no idea that i am a business student NOT an econs student, i realized that her brother is going to dentistry. goes to show. nevertheless, i hope you like your long overdue present from hongkong. this shall serve as a reminder to you.

career thoughts

there's still 1.5 hours till knock off. i feel that i have done so many things already but yet time does not seem to tick in equivalence. just wanna find somewhere and sleep. especially since i had very much of sleep prior to the start of work, now having to wake up at 6.30 am is torturous. 10 days more!

having gone through internship & now this part time job, i now feel very grateful for being able to start off with FedEx as my 1st job. with a platform for comparison, you realize the things that matters in a job. besides the salary, the company culture & working environment is important too. we cannot choose our colleagues, so it is good luck if one can get along with their colleagues. And it must be serendipity & favour, if they become not only your colleagues but friends. it is a blessing if lunch time is always noisy & chaotic from the gossiping & laughter.

that aside, for me personally, it makes a difference if you can identify with your company, its products or services. If one is merely dealing with common company procedures such as paperwork, i feel that u merely get lost in your work. you don't even know the reason behind your work. besides being bad at numbers, finance & accounting ALONE is not something i look forward to because i feel that the job scope is too narrow. everyday its just claims & recordings, things necessary to keep the company going but it is not the main core of the company.

kapil (my new product development professor) once said that working to launch a new product is always exciting. there's so much to do and the whole place is just buzzing with this excitment. it is different when you are at the front end of your company. and i think that is the place i would want to be at.

so, is marketing & sales the way to go? we'll see.

5

吉他手： 怪兽 石头

bassist: 玛莎

鼓手：冠佑

主唱：阿信

这是我的温柔，我给你自由

for a moment, i thought the lost returned. then i realize it wasn't true. and then i realize it wasn't enough. the so-called 'maybe' i saw. some chances are not meant to be taken. and things get even clearer. 4... 3.. 2.. 1...0... bye.

6

陈信宏，31 岁的生日 快乐。
俗语说得好： “对你爱不完”



有一天　我在想　
我到底　算是個什麼東西
還是我　會不會　根本就不算東西
天天都漫無目的　偏偏又想要證明　真理
別人從屁股放屁　我卻每天每天的說要革命
就算是這個世界　把我拋棄　而至少快樂傷心我自己決定
所以我說　就讓它去　我知道潮落之後一定有潮起　有什麼了不起

常常我　豁出去　拼了命　走過卻沒有痕跡
可是我　從不怕　挖出我火熱的心
手上有一個硬幣　反面就決定放棄　嗝屁
但是啊在我心底　卻完完全全不想放棄

就算是這個世界　把我拋棄　而至少快樂傷心我自己決定
所以我說　就讓它去　我知道潮落之後一定有潮起　有什麼了不起


常常我　閉上眼睛　聽到了海的呼吸　
是你溫柔的藍色潮汐　告訴我沒有關係

就算真的這個世界　把我拋棄　而至少快樂傷心我自己決定
所以我說　就讓它去　我知道潮落之後一定有潮起　
我不能忘記
無論是我的明天　要去哪裡　而至少快樂傷心我自己決定
所以我說　就讓他去　我知道潮落之後一定有潮起
有什麼了不起
有什麼了不起

[柔与刚]
“这是我的温柔”
“坚强对我来说就是以刚克刚”

work has been good so far. office is pretty with lots of posters of mango, zara & all. i'm doing brainless admin work at Royal Sporting House. & fact of the day: Royal Sporting House, Why Pay More, Puma, Reebok, Stadium, Rockport, Mango, Zara, Bebe, Women's Secret, Golf House & TAG Heuer are all under the parent company of RSH (SG).

wz, if u think i type very loudly. i found someone bigger & better. and she's actually chatting over email. (i presume cos msn is not allowed here. boo)

i'm overdressed because they said formal & everyone wears jeans here. did the definition of formal just change?

music: 93.3fm

in the light of Your glory & grace

and so the online persona is back because knots was sent for servicing. you see, knots is my christened laptop. it finally has a name, given by Gan Ann, because it can't type "T" & "S".
k-NO-T-S. geddit?

by the way, Gan's is name Noddy, cos it has No-D.

i've been spending quality me time, doing my favourite things. home is still the best place to be in, though there are times i just have to get outside of my mum's voice. did things that I missed out during the school days like pigging out at Sakae's, watching movie, loitering in town and exploring the new places - IKEA @ Tampines & Vivocity. I LOVE both the places by the way. i've always adored IKEA so nothing beats having it huge and close to home. I love how Vivocity overlooks the sea to Sentosa and how everything is buzzing with excitment.

i'm just feeling contented now just sitting here in my room, comforted with the fact that things are good at home. my brother has got a new job. new girlfriend is of secondary importance. but all in all, im just happy that we walked this far together as a family. And i know there's greater and better things ahead. In fact, both my brother and I are getting fatter and rounder. hahaha...

tomorrow is day 1 of work @ Macpherson. so is it Mayday.

i will dance in the rain, and scream
i'd live better than before!

the one on 4th Dec

to you, who ran the hongkong streets with me, the one who calls, fellow listener of 五月天, my pillar of support. i'm here to say Happy Birthday Manda, i know i should have said it personally. love you girl for being who you are. still awaiting our sakae gathering.

lotsa love, coldwater.

tres

being the procrasinators that we are, we finally signed ourselves up for the loreal brainstorm. its so exciting!! quite tight on the time though, but we must make it ok!

and i shall go get ready & meet apple for IKEA. happy happy =)

uno dos tres.
going by age, uno is apple. dos is weizhong. tres is yours truly.
go amigoS!

7

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothings gonna change my world, Nothings gonna change my world.
Nothings gonna change my world Nothings gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe Jai guru de va om
Nothings gonna change my world,Nothings gonna change my world.
Nothings gonna change my world.Nothings gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe

Jai guru de va om
Nothings gonna change my world,Nothings gonna change my world.Nothings gonna change my world.Nothings gonna change my world.

december job

just signed the agreement for a job which will last from 6 - 22nd dec as an admin. let's just say that i will feel happy for which ever that comes my way. but then $$ will only come in after Christmas, so im hoping i dont have to pay to fix my keyboard.

it has been a simple day and tml is day out with mama & step up!

8

girls

http://www.yoshidakaban.com/bag_po_ground.html

bags are never enough.

9

time passes because we draw sand castles in the clouds.
castles big, small unspoken aloud.
and you're like a spot placed on the map quite far away from my own.
time spent as we try make paper into goods.
teethered on a high strung guitar drunk sober.
affirming you a spot placed on the map quite far away from my own.

jun26 2006

it's sprinkling outside

i am glad that i don't have to be in school, freeze in the library, pour over my books and coming back home late. i do enjoy the fact that i can just park my lazy ass in front of the tv, sleep, wake, read and watch the day slowly pass. the day passes so slowly, something i wanted so much during the hustle bustle of school when i wished there's more time, to accomplish everything and go home early.

i thought i should get out of home and do something. then i got lazy. then its starts pouring, raining then drizzling. there's something in the air when the end of the year its near. makes u think about stuff, reminsce, to pack things up a little, to make more sense. to wrap things up, hide them, put them away. u want to feel that u have done well, that all will be good and better things will come along. someway somehow.

i think of some people of the past. they are like black and white motion people with no sound. they just amble along. i see all the familiar things that they do. but they don't make me neither happy nor sad. it's like me, lying on my back in a still lake of water. it was me moving, or did the clouds move past me, slowly but steadily across the skies.

10

"Had we but world enough and time"

[andrew marvell] / also found in [time traveler's wife]

the post

the last lap of the term was the New Product Development presentation. another of those prof you love to hate but u got to give it to him cos he's really good when it comes to talking about real education. anyway, we survived. apple even stayed up the whole night just to finish his assignments in time.

and to reward ourselves, we went for Sakae buffet!!!! i just realize that we spend so much time stuffing our face, we never take any pictures. we really gorged out ok. feifei ordered like there's no tomorrow. and we had (a lot of) sushi, handrolls, chawanmushi, chicken salad, takopachi, gyoza, scallops, udon, dessert. got 50-60 plates? apple fell asleep after satisfying his stomach. it was freaking good, but please not too often lah. though i'm salivating as im recalling now. hahaha
then those who needed to mug went off, leaving the 3 amigos. we wanted to watch step up BUT everything went against us. sad.

my voice is a total dao sha pia now. ooo, husky.

11

"我也曾经有过野蛮女友，但她现在有她的生活了，我也很高兴.....野蛮只是掩饰心理空虚的一种表现，她们一定有过被抛弃的过去，那些愚蠢的男人看到的东西都太肤浅了.......记得，这时候你要过去安慰她，尽管她打你，骂你，也不要离开她......"

were you, for a moment, taken in? there is no real sassy girl. chu gor shi por?!

12

南瓜马车的午夜

return me back to 0

unhappiness

its funny how the doctor said the same thing after staring down my icky throat. "Your tonsils are very unhappy. Most probably due to your lack of sleep." I assume he derived that from my eye rings which are a permanent fixture. The wait for my turn to see the doctor lasted 1 hour and i just totally conked out on the clinic's sofa. I was pretty embarrassed to find out later that 1 of my project mates actually spotted me sleeping. High fever, swollen tonsils but still work waits to be done. Now that it's done, its time to crash because the doctor warned that I need to get at least 8 hours of sleep else I will wake up with an exploding head. I concur.

only such shit happens to me

We are in school on a Sunday because of a presentation tomorrow. It was made worse when my bottle of vanilla coke gushed it contents over my laptop & myself. My keyboard went berserk and it obviously didnt make me very happy. In fact, I was so freaking pissed. (and yes i'm swearing off coke) now its better (we reckon its cos it dried out) but some keys are still spooked. Like 'shift' will induce copy & paste. an unhappy keyboard, unhappy and brain dead groupmates, unhappy and swollen tonsils, a very unhappy me. it just made everything worse.

sober

看得太清楚 未必是件好事。

轧车

looking forward to the 6th of dec

老爸老母 整天底骂
喋喋喋念 不知念啥
是按怎哪会按呢
身边的问题一摊
这时阵上好作阵来去轧车
作阵来轧车 作阵来轧车
不管伊警察底抓 不管伊父母底骂
只要我引擎催落 无人可当甲我轧
在这我最快最趴最大

just because it is 五月天。
阿信！

meow

striked off the last quiz of the term plus the CAT which nearly killed me. it was like a race against time. left school just in time to catch the last train, worked at home till 3am. Lemsip MAX didnt work in the morning but at least i survived the day. Our project was still quite okay, but at least I got it off my back. Just hoping it won't do any harm to my gpa.

I thought all is well from then onwards, but only such shit happen to me. I took the wrong bus thinking it was 23 but it turned out to be 133. First thing up the bus is sleep so I only woke up when the person beside me wanted to get off. And I realize the whole place looks WEIRD. I ended up in Serangoon. shit the bala. $10 flew away just to get me home. shit the bala x2.

okay now off to strike off more things from my to-do list. 10days more!

but we are adding 1 more item on the agenda for our sakae meeting. looks like we really need a whole day.

SO do you have anything to tell me?

reality check

time check: 3 am
im just trying very hard to keep up the act.

Fang

Happy 21st Mr. Fang. I chose a nice picture of you (before u decide to become 堕落） and of the yanyan you (and us too!) miss. i hope your life will be filled with infinite hope and meaning even as you embark on your medicine journey.

but it has been a good weekend because of you guys =)

the 1st 2 first.

happy birthday to the both of you. First yieng & then pia. the friendship, the laughter u have brought. and the many hugs too. (hahaha). i hope u being drunk tonight, wakes you up to a better tomorrow.

music of the night

and 15th april 2007 shall be the night.

picture in mind

a long long day indeed in school just doing work. while waiting for dad to pick me up because i carelessly left my wallet at home, i was sitting @ the steps enjoying the breeze, staring at the all too glaring headlights with a dull pain in my head. spent the quiet moment just questioning God. About what He has in store for me after I graduate. Because till now, everything has been a planned sequential succession from primary school - secondary school - jc - varsity. and to grad its like plunging into the unknown & into the countless possibilities. i tried to picture what i could be, but that remains a blank. while that may be quite sad to not know what i want or have an aim in mind, at least what i am feeling is not worry. because no matter what happens, i just want to be someone who dont lose myself. i hope i never get defeated, i want to be strong enough to take on anything. i want to be survive good and happy under any circumstance. i want to be a happy-go-lucky, and most of all i want to be a wise person. not book smart, but wise enough to keep my head above the water & to bring me to places.

fiest - mushaboom

the music's back. kicking it off with an artiste i heard over the radio - Fiest. hopefully it will make u happy like it does to me. butsh my nose ish leakin today againsh.

effy

one of those days im home earlier, after a 10pm tauhway session. managed to catch most of project runway on tvmobile so i was kinda happy. nowadays the best i get out of tv is america's next top model and project runway cos they are the ones showing when i just stepped home and just wanna sit my bum down & be a couch potato.

so now im comfyly seated @ my study table. its all peaceful & nice, something to be enjoyed about the night. unlike in the day when everyone is just about their own things, and talking to each other mostly via msn is just to kill boredom or talk about work. people seem to get more 'real' at night, when they finally decide to brush work aside to focus on something more than work. that's when some of those lost 'lost within themselves' turn their radars on too i suppose. then continue to get lost within themselves.

from a distance

i didnt know that it'd be that painful.

week 12

about conniving knives.
at some point, we get affected by what people say about us. but that changed for me when someone reminded me "why should you care about people who speak bad about you. they aren't your friends to begin with. people who know you will know you." and since then i've lived by this mantra. i see no point in playing pretense with people you don't like. and i hope i am right in believing that the people i keep close around me, are those people who know me and are true in that relationship towards me. well, that' s what i hope & its tiring to doubt. i hope u like me for who i am and for who i am not.

about what i have been occupied with
that isnt too hard to tell. but its week 12, just 2 weeks more and december will come. so i'd hang in there. meanwhile, little breaks is good. today, lunch was at PS and we checked out the newly opened daiso there. the rest of the day was spent staring at the laptop, waiting for it to finish hanging and figuring out bidding. feeling totally woozy now after leaving school at close to 11.30pm

okays. concussing now to get ready to battle the list on my post-it. aja aja fighting!

the new vulgar

Committments were vulgar (and still is).
now CAT becomes the new vulgar.

the screams
in the caves brings back echo.
so if you didnt hear
did the tree really fall in that forest?

sunday

at least the k craving was kinda satisfied..

casper the friendly ghost

"mummy, its overrr!!!"
..... from just for laughs.

a little girl on the bus mimicked this line the green monster said and she's sounded so cute when she did that. i love watching Casper the Friendly Ghost on tvmobile, and i am always disappointed when they finish showing it so i'd turn to the one sitting beside me, whining that "its over...."

so the comment i got back one day was "i can imagine you with your kid in future, watching Casper and going "its overrr..." in unison to your husband."

quite an amusing scene.

拥抱

did a little movie reading up on 盛夏光年 for which mayday did an ost for.
...to realize that my favourite emo song from them was meant to celebrate gayism.



脱下长日的假面 奔向梦幻的疆界
南瓜马车的午夜 换上童话的玻璃鞋

让我享受这感觉 我是孤傲的蔷薇
让我品尝这滋味 纷乱世界的不了解

昨天太近明天太远 默默聆听那黑夜
晚 风吻尽荷花叶 任我醉倒在池边

等你清楚看见我的美 月光晒干眼泪
那一个人爱我 将我的手紧握
抱紧我 吻我
爱..别走

隐藏自己的疲倦 表达自己的狼狈
放纵自己的狂野 找寻自己的明天
向你要求的誓言 就算是你的谎言
我需要爱的慰借 就算那爱已如潮水

那一个人爱我 将我的手紧握
抱紧我吻我
爱
别走

for those who don't see.

so delighting!

we are supposed to get over with school first then plan for the trip in dec. but just out of curiousity, i googled for train rides from thailand onwards and it got me all excited..! SG-M'sia-Thailand-Vietiane (Lao) - Vietnam - ....... just a tiny peekaboo. will get down to the nittygritties & budgeting in dec. u guys wait up yea?

spanking good time

thank you you guys for the horrific good time. peishan & family for the splendid spread of food. for being such good sport. the skit, the hard gay performance & the worse dressed forfeit by tiny & mervyn was hilarious. i had such a great laugh and memories to last us for time to come. gracias to GanAnn for drawing my star of david & peishan for my teardrop. quick load the peektures!

freak out.

treat me

watch this

i really love these watches!

oh ya, by the way. Trick or Treat! Happy Halloween :)

The Climb Team's havin' a party. In school (because we are smuggers la) but nonetheless it think it will be fun especially everyone has been so uptight over school and desperately looking towards doing something fun

okays work first play later. and i have to quit sleeping late & waking up late for 8.30am!

revising my korean

i have a bi poster waiting to be delivered to me from Korea.
kamsahapnida ji-niao sshi!
pogoshiptagu...
palli toro wa!

thank you ms. janelle. miss you..come back quick!

take me as i am

生 命 中，不 断 地 有 人 离 开 或 进 入。
于 是，看 见 的 ，看 不 见 的；记 住 的 ，遗 忘 了。

生 命 中 ，不 断 地 有 得 到 和 失 落 。
于 是，看 不 见 的 ，看 见 了；遗 忘 了，记 住 了。

然 而 ，看 不 见 的 ，是 不 是 就 等 于 不 存 在？
记 住 的 ，是 不 是 永 远 不 会 消 失？

it is the one liner thats said
that reduced all that i stand for to nothing
and makes me afraid of a
deja vu.

emo weather.

2 days of sleeping at 2am and waking for 8.30am class even on a saturday is a pain. i woke at 7am yesterday thinking im so screwed cos i'd never make it to school in time because i kept thinking i have to be in school at 8am. so i only have 1hour to bath getready and go to school. 15mins to get ready (and that's a record time), 1st thing i did was to stretch my hands out to hail for a cab to get me to the 23bus stop which can bring me to school in half an hour. on the cab, the auntie ask me i have 8am class is it? then i was like... hmm..sounds wrong.. "no, its 8.30 class". then i look at my watch which says 7.30am and i have 1 hour to get to school! $3.90 poorer, i got to sch by 8am after getting down from the cab to take 23.

a long day of class plus 2 long meetings. i went home after dining with them, most of us were too tired to stay and do work. so wz is the only one to continue his record of sleeping over in school. 6th night already?

it's pouring outside now.
chuah hae.

kimchi ramyeom mogok le?

gelare day

today apple & i were part of ganann's pseudo exchange life. and today is Gelare's Day @ PS! it's been so long we've had ice-cream together =) 2 ice cream waffles, bananasplit with chocolate overload, honey malt crunch, apple pie crunch and swiss caramel choc.












finished in 15minutes.

hansel and gretel

its like being hansel and gretel. casting crumbs on the floor, hoping that it would lead them back home again. casted till there were none left, left lost, high and dry.

mayday in shanghai

fi & man just had to call me while they are having fun during their holiday at Shanghai. i thought i connected to their stupid voicemail machine but it turned out to be fi singing to mayday in cos they were @ KTV singing to MayDay. okay.. at least i am missed. & here's a pic of us :)

i am register no. 4

There are 16 letters in your name.Those 16 letters total to 94There are 8 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 4
The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.
The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.

If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice. The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5
A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.
You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 8
An Inner Dream number of 8 means: You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur.

from yieng's

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

ROB

Phuong vs Manchi. Check out Phuong's muscles.

Mervyn vs Tiny. Check out Mervyn's face.

Hard gays in action.

So happy together part 1.

So happy together part 2

The authentic so happy together couple.

Heng reminds me of 大口仔.

But of course 大口仔 cuter.

Different definitions of drunk look.

Heng, Phuong, Dexter's definition: Smile at camera and look good

Terence's definition: Stick out tongue

Peishan's definition: Not looking at camera

Calvin, Weizhong, Apple's definition: Tilt head sideways and look gong

Neh and Manchi's definition: Smaller eyes

Ooooh but we all love Mervyn's definition.

word for word from the Climb Team's Blog

Week 10

the time has come for all of us to feel that there should be more than 24hours in a day. so at least we have time to do everything we need to do without compromising on sleep.

but im glad im went for the family gathering yesterday cos the little ones were really sweet to their dear old jiejie. i was greeted by the bunch of them, after which they promptly served me with cake (from Swissbake!). I was served twice, 1st by Nat&Evangeline then Dillion gave me another. how can anyone resist such sweet gestures, so 2 cakes went down my tummy. oh sweet little ones!

musik ::
norah jones:: don't know why

Till I hear it from you

a nice song from the 90's.
we should catch the movie as well - Empire Records.
"i dont wanna take advice from fools
i just figured everything is cool
until i hear it from you..."

maybe i.

friends

ganann is so funny. (read: her blog) her optimism is infectious.

and i think i'm really blessed to have these people around me in school. its not just me who feel it but hL too. now its not just go school for classes, projects then home. but i have people to mug with, hang out with, go shopping with, watch movie with, eat with, have fun with, make fun of, have 'parties', talk to about serious stuff, about not so serious... things which make u feel anchored.

now for some late saturday night entertainment after a day of projects/mugging. off to roomful of blues!

defense mechanism

so maybe an ego bruise is much harder to handle.

"And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know she doesn’t mean you"

howie day :: she says

part timing

as it comes nearer to the weekend, most people would feel happier. for us, there's no difference. worse still, it reminds us of the impending deadline. i've never felt more screwed for a project before.

upon my grouching that apple and i are going to be part-time friend already, wz's reply was
"you are also full time tutor, part time friend
(apple is full time ahem, part time friend
wz is also full time ahem, part time friend)
as long as our part time part time same time
we are still friends..."

hahaha, finally he says something that actually kind of witty.

acrojunkies

the current exco 'surprised' the retired fogies with a 'thanks' cake as a token of appreciate. thank u for the sweet gesture with special mentions to (s)mellie for baking the cake. from left: roy apple me and tiny.



we love food & our acrojunkie singlets!

like the way tiny and i look like spokesperson for the Climb Team with our Acrojunkie singlets. & the cakex12 made it all the more yummy, so we couldnt resist taking a picture with it. though tiny is stoney and whiny (though lesser now, ever since his mind is filled with beautiful thoughts of his new partner and possibilities of microminis future), he's been such a dear friend - there with encouragements and nice things to say when things werent so nice. in friends, u find parts of urself in them. like how we like to idle and windowshop, watch 小猪 and look for a good laugh, being loud and crappy when we feel like it.

being eternal sunshine is difficult.

post cereal/serial

they say i look happier
i suppose better happy than not...

shalom sar shalom

in singlish - "very long never laugh like that liao". meaning its been so long since we've all met up and laughed so hard with each other, at each other. maggie, dont thank me for organizing. thank you all of you, for being there. love u all loads. till we meet again!

"majesty majesty
your grace has found me just as i am
empty handed by alive in your hands .."

gluttony

glutton square on 13th Oct'06. featuring some of the gluttons - tiny, prettyboy #2 huanmin, sooleng & weizhong.

Once in a Blue Moon.

this morning, i experienced one of the most torturous conversations ever and its hard to explain why it affected me so much. my dad was chatting with his clients, a husband and wife duo who owns the coffeeshop, when i joined them for breakfast. and because their daughter who is from SMU too, they asked me if I know her. And I said no because all I know about her is her face, recognizable as the 'happening' people in SMU i suppose. And they started to talk about exchange and how she is in Europe and traveling to Paris, Italy and what not. And asked if I went and is going for an exchange.

[as this point in time as I am writing this, apple pops in his head to read and i began to tell him what happened. a few sentences and I was all muffled.]

the whole conversation then just revolved around the couple talking about what a spendthrift their daughter is, how pampered she is, how she spent $10,000 at Hong Kong alone, that I should go for exchange, once in a life time, enjoy while you are young, do I go clubbing, "oh your daughter is very sensible not like mine", "my son is in USA he doesnt want to come back", "oh you have a son too right". and all i could do is "er..ya...hurhur" and continue to stuff my face in noodles. i hated the way how it affected both my dad, mum and I. Even if they didnt say it, they must have felt alot when they hear about what they can offer for their kids and my dad can only say "dont say so much to her, she's also craving just that there is no money" i don't want them to feel that way. Even if I were to go anywhere, I am going on my own efforts, I don't want my parents to feel that they owe me something.

and i don't want to hear my own mother putting my dad down in front of all these strangers who know nuts about my family. and i couldn't show what I feel about all these even though i was downright miserable, and as I explain all these to apple verbally, I guess I found an outlet to release what I feel.

its not about feeling sorry for myself. i dont know what is it all about, why has that conversation affected me so much, but now that i cried it all out, it shall be left as a forgotten conversation.

when the pearls dry up and my insides stop quivering, everything is okay again. thank you apple, u were unlucky.

爱是感动的来源

千般百股暖流　從你關心的說話
深深感激一切　我一生記心中
在急風撲面而來　迷失中找到你
我的心不須驚怕　有你伴我身邊

＊時光總飛逝　未能停留　
容許多給你愛　以歌聲感激　
知心好友　我願為你高歌　
有天可相聚　未曾遺忘　
人海中得到你　與天邊中的海角與你　
快樂地再高歌

＊風吹雨打過程　成我一生的鍛鍊
不懂哭泣衝刺　有歡呼有歌聲
讓心窩熾熱未來　人生中總有愛
以雙手驅走黑暗　有願望有星光

:: 总有爱 ：：词曲：：黄加强 ：：演唱：：BEYOND

the last concert ended with this song 总有爱，with everyone in the stadium recalling the BEYOND years as those on stage thank what BEYOND as a band has given to them.

家强：
悲伤，自从哥哥走后他一直留给人的印象。从来不见家强很开心的笑过，他是一个脆弱的人，一直都无法接受家驹的离世，每次演唱会唱家驹的歌时眼睛都会很湿润。这次演唱会期间“祝你愉快”前，家强说：“不知道你们现在对家驹（他）还有什么感觉。。。我要感谢哥哥，送给他一首‘祝你愉快’”，这次他没哭，没有像以前看过的两个场海阔天空的视频里一样很纵情的哭。然而，因为家强是对BEYOND最有感情的，也是最不希望BEYON解散的，所以天津演唱会之后的庆功宴上他又哭了，“你们别再唱我们BEYOND的歌了，别再唱我哥哥的歌了。。。”

无奈，对于BEYOND解散，家强不得不接受，因为三个人的曲风已经大相径庭到不能容忍的地步了，甚至连曾经最默契的友谊都因之破裂了。这场演唱会“长空”之后，他说“这是我们BEYOND的最后一首歌，我们三个一起写的一首并且得了金像奖。。。”，说完就把脸扭到一边。。。

贯中（阿Paul）：
愤世嫉俗，阿Paul一直都显得很孤傲的，92演唱会就初露端倪了：一头乱糟糟的头发，带着墨镜，很奇异的裤子。今天唱歌时额上青筋暴胀，高潮时猛地振臂高呼，以及很多次猛扯琴弦，都能看出他的“愤怒”。其实贯中是一个感情很丰富的人，不过不会很容易显露，家强哭唱“海阔天空”时只有他忍住没有哭也才会有一张刻意抑制悲痛而扭曲了的脸。家驹走后，他写了很多歌怀念曾经的这位朋友、老师，像“Paradise”、“不见不散”；这场演唱会阿Paul讲到家驹时说“他使我们开了窍”，对于家驹，阿Paul除了怀念还有感激在里面的。

世荣 (drummer)：
BEYOND里面，世荣是最内向的了。鼓是他发泄感情的唯一工具，每次演唱会轮到他时他都没有唱得很开，即便是这次他演唱自己编曲作词的“无事无事”，虽然是一首很摇滚的歌，但感觉他唱得还是很压抑，然而每次世荣的经典鼓段，他都能完全的爆发，把感情发泄在每一个鼓点上，每一击钹敲里。

世荣可以说是BEYOND里最凄惨的一个了，先是失去家驹，接着女友Ste不幸死于车祸。03年红勘演唱会，世荣提到家驹，眼里泪光点点；这场演唱会“总有爱”之前说到Ste时，又不禁动情，“是Ste教我学会了坚强和长大，其实人是很脆弱的。。。这个世界上很多东西都是带不走的，但有一样东西却可以，就是爱”。。。

这场演唱会之后的BEYOND全国巡演，在很多城市的演唱会都没有做到如这场成功，因为香港歌迷是最忠实的。最后一首歌“总有爱”，一曲终了当悠扬而又略显厚重的键琴声在体育馆响起，三子向歌迷致意、谢幕、退场，曲终人散，一个乐队的神话终于完结。

PS：
以后可能再也看不到BEYOND的ＬＩＶＥ　ＣＯＮＣＥＲＴ了。。。

..... taken from the web.

sakae sakae

gan ann wonders says:
let's go sakae sushi!
unice says:
how come the sudden thought to eat sakae
unice says:
u miss manda ah
gan ann wonders says:
ya
gan ann wonders says:
i miss eating sakae with all of them

why do people say that?

penny for your thoughts.

quiet

[香港 :: 浅水湾]
"do you know of the restlessness that rings by your ear. drums an irregular beat, the skip a little faster. a hurricane, a cause unknown to your slow demeanour and that of few words.

and to the oblivious sea, thats ebbs and flows. being washed ashore by your tides and perhaps, making me scared of the water that rolls me in deep only to leave me stranded."






its the termbreak & well its no surprise that its hardly a break. had my CAT midterms today & its really demoralizing. with those away @ KL, then apple to KL, & gan ann busy... school seems so strangely quiet.

i decided to not go to Work & Travel USA in the end. hah, going to church always leaves me optimistic for the day... thinking that i should just sign up and pray for provision. then i thought that there were too many things to think about. it is a weak point of mine: to not manifest thoughts into action and being too hesistant and passive.

got to learn to be proactive, especially to get a job in December & maybe we could go on a month long SEAsia trip next summer. dont think so much la, find rest and know that He has everything in store.

Happy happy happy!

Food + Shopping + 老婆饼 from Hongkong makes eunice infinately happy!

managed to squeezepack everything from course being taught by apple & myself, to church, to dinner date with apple cos GCB is in KL, giving in to the temptation of shopping (the isetan sale is too much of a lure, $42 for 3 pieces which should cost at least $100 in original price.) & having merv bring over the goodie from good ol' hk.

im counting my blessings!

some of favouritest people in SMU. spot 'em!