homo-sapien-phobic

3 days more to not having to deal with people.
that will be a blast.

profound solitude

human is the only being that knows he is alone.
- Lucas Scott -

经过了漫长的等候梦想是梦想我还是一个我
那时间忘记挽留最美时候不经意匆匆的放过
曾经想拥抱的彩虹盛开的花朵那纯真的笑容
突然有风吹过那一转眼只剩我
我不懂人世间的那些愁他为什么要缠著我
到底这会是谁的错还是我不放手
喔人世间的那些愁这世界给我的幽默
这是不是要告诉我潮起终究潮落
总要有人来陪我咽下苦果喔再尝一点美梦
要等你先开口那冬天才会走
有些人经过我身旁住在我脑中在我心里钻洞
有些人变成相片堆在角落灰尘像雪一般冰冻
时间如果可以倒流我想我还是会卯起来蹉跎
反正就这样吧我知道我努力过
我想到遥远遥远的以后会不会有人知道我
在这个寂寞的星球曾这样的活过
喔遥远遥远的以后天长和地久的尽头
应该没有人能抢走我永远的感动
总要有一首我的歌大声唱过喔再看天地辽阔
活著不多不少幸福刚好够用
活著其实很好再吃一颗苹果

while it last

dreaming is kinda fun.

reality check: sunday. school. 11am.

it's normal. sure hope so.

even though reading it took a few seconds, comfort was just in time. i really needed it.
could go hug my bolster now. some form of tlc at least.

currently

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

MIS

i am SO dreading tomorrow's MIS (Read: Marketing Info System) quiz. Me Is Screwed. 1 More week till class is over. 3 more weeks to end of exams. 6 more weeks to Vietnam! (I think)

wah piang its week 12

Wah piang*, it's week 12!

It is amazing that amidst all the project deadlines and presentations these few weeks, SMU students can still find the time and energy to sing at a lunchtime concert, put up a dance showcase, run up 14 flight of stairs and produce 3 very entertaining short plays. And it's week 12 lor.

We do many things and we are pressured to do more things on top of keeping the grades up. Now, every SMU student is expected to earn $12,000 a month. I'm kidding but we definitely have a reputation to keep. [blahblahblah]

*wah piang = hokkien for "blimey!"

Adapted from the SMUSA's email to the school population. SMUSA is funny one lor.

nothing / everything

every term, at this time,
i just cannot wait for everything to be over
and every term it seems more difficult than ever.
on the walk home,
felt like i was on empty
not just tired empty but empty empty
one of those days u start thinking about life as a big picture
hoping to go beyond the scope of your daily motion.
at the 11th floor of my block,
i saw glistening lights from airplanes
if i had things my way,
i would have gone from place to place
and every day would be like a day, a culture, a sight, an experience anew.
that's when i had this, hmm, idea if you can put it that way.
kinda got me excited as wild thoughts came along
like darting bulleyes unto this big break
one would have dreamt of at one point or another of their lives.
maybe it will manifest,
maybe there will come one day i will tell u some of these wild thoughts.

amazing voice always does good like medicine

I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Adore you and want you so
I'm just a no one, with nothing to give you but oh
I love you

You, you buy her diamonds
Bright, sparkling diamonds
But believe me, dear, when I say
That she can give you the world
But she'll never love you the way
I love you

You can take her any place she wants
To fancy clubs and restaurants
But I can only watch you with
My nose pressed up against the window pane

I, I who have nothing
I, I who have no one
Must watch you, go dancing by
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else
Darling it is I
Who loves you

i (who have nothing) :: Shirley Bassey

forgotten most

外面下着好大的雨

有人说
当你失去的时候
唯一能做的是
不要忘记。

all I ask of you

All I Ask Of You (Phantom of The Opera)

No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
Let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you . . .

Say you love me
every waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summertime . . .

Say you need me with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true -
that's all I ask of you . . .

Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You're safe:
No-one will find you
your fears are far behind you . . .

All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .

Say you'll share with me
one love, one lifetime . . .
let me lead you from your solitude . . .

Say you need me with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
That's all I ask of you . . .

Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime . . .
Say the word
and I will follow you . . .

Share each day with me,
each night, each morning . . .
Say you love me . . .

Love me -
that's all I ask of you . . .

Love me,
that's all I ask of you

Prepping myself up for Phantom Of the Opera which is one day after my last paper. I sure hope its serves as a good motivation to finish up the term, worth the great anticipation & financial resources utilized!

where my nose at

Took a timeout today because my nose totally abandoned on me. Bipolar temperature in freezing SMU and then out into the scorching sun didn’t help. Came home straight after a meeting in school which I couldn’t quite concentrate on. Old rules – medicate then snug up and take a big sleep on my parents’ bed. It’s amusing how it must be my parents’ bed. Drifted in and out of sleep, stirring from the heat and perspiration.

The howling of the rotating fan, being hidden under the comforter seem to have a healing effect of its own.

I’m mighty woman once more.

i cannot wait for the term to be over. its almost like the more we try not to, the more we are fanning this furnace of fire. the sadistic wait of watching what will happen next.

let me fall

its october again
leaves are coming down
one more year's come and gone
and nothings changed at all
wasnt i supposed to be someone to face the things that ive been running from

let me feel i dont care if i break down
let me fall even if i hit the ground
and if i cry a little,
die a little,
at least i know i lived,

just a little

ive become much too good
at being invincible
im an expert at play it safe and keep it cool.

but i swear this isnt who i'm meant to be

i refuse to let my life roll over me

let me feel,
i dont care if i break down
let me fall even if i hit the ground
and if i cry a little,
die a little,
at least i know i lived,

just a little.

i wanna be be somebody
who can face the things that i've been running from

let me feel
i dont care if i break down
let me fall
even if i hit the ground
and if i cry a little,
die a little at least i know i lived

its October again
leaves are coming down
one more year's come and gone
and nothings changed at all

.... Bethany Joy Lenz



these lyrics are something huh? first heard the song when i watched that episode from One Tree Hill, and am continuing this chase from yesterday since escape would be good. what are your feelings about being mediocre? what if one has nothing to testify for, nothing he is good at, nothing he is proud of. what if things were okay. okay then, okay now, okay tomorrow.

picture perfect

ignore trees & you'd get picture perfect.
same thing goes for everything else.
if your friend surprises you by appearing at your house
armed with Krispy Kreme heated up for u
at midnight no less
just because she knows you u are upset.
really, its goes beyond gratification.
still, thank you fi. heart you veryveryveryvery much
not just because of donuts
but for the many years you've been here right by me
you know, i was filling out a form for a bone marrow donor programme
and there's this part we need to put down a friend's contact
first instinct, fi.
then i was amused when i was reminded about the last time
she called me regarding a character reference.

equality my ass

from age 18 onwards, i acquired a new language of currency. i began actual employment in a known company, and dealt with people who werent tuition kids younger than me. i paid for bills out of my pocket. i shopped with money i earned. i paid for lunches, dinners. this year, because of many reasons, i stopped tutoring. i took up random assignments that gave me extra money. today, i came out of home angry and i asked a lot of whys. i let go of tears that asked me why, why do we have to be like that. tears that also prompt me of my selfishness. tears that remind me of my pride. tears that tells me that i really want to be treated like a child and i want to be provided for. this morning, my mother spoke to me with the language of currency.

we should just be communist.

i am

最近好像认识了一个 经常迷失自己。。 经常需要提醒自己他是谁 的一个人。
在聚光灯以外，要寻找私底下的仪态。
明明双脚着地，为什么却又这么不实际。

。我们
忘了回家的路。

Long straight hair?

the problem of inertia

sitting, waiting, wasting, thinking, wasting.

两只恋人

"贴着你的脸
拍一张照片
世界是很复杂的
要靠我近一点"

... 两只恋人 / 曹格

exchange student

there's an exchange student that hints of the nerdiness displayed by Seth. The OC, Seth. hah

hello strangers

hoping
one day would be a
"hello stranger"
email
received.
maybe i know you
and maybe you would know me.

maggie's 22nd

:: today's lead ::

::Maggie ::

:: girls' night out ::

The violets were scenting the woods Maggie
Displaying their charms to the breeze
When I first said I loved only you Maggie
And you said you loved only me

The chestnut blooms green through the glades Maggie
A robin sang aloud from the tree
When I first said I loved only you Maggie
And you said you loved only me

A golden row of daffodils shone Maggie
And danced with the leaves on the breeze
When I first said I loved only you Maggie
And you said you loved only me

The birds in the trees sang a song Maggie
Of happy a trance for us to be
When I first said I loved only you Maggie
And you said you loved only me

Our dreams they have never come true Maggie
Our hopes they never were to be
When I first said I loved only you Maggie
And you said you loved only me

.... a night for Paris,
Je taime
but we know we love
right now
the fadedness of the scanned prints
kept beautiful...

Yongbin's 22nd

:: the lead ::happy birthday yb!

:: the guests ::

[ rest of the snaps here. ]

Little Audrey

Oh, Little Audrey says
Save for a rainy day.
She saves, but every time it rains,
She spends what she puts away.
She knows her proverbs, A and B, and knows the good they bring
But when she has to follow them, well, that's another thing!
Oh, Little Audrey says
While the sun is out, make hay.
Though she's not immense, there's a lot of sense
In what Little Audrey has to say.

Happy 22nd Birthday Little Audrey. Lotsa lotsa Love.

Maintainence

2am. recalling the day in SMU that felt more correct.

10am. breaktime means meeting people along the way & catching up. manchi. 12pm. after class means lunch then gathering at the library for studying/project/sleep/youtube/ & gossips. ganann jan, manchi, HL, tiny and apple. 7pm. dinner with gossip. relationships and its idiosyncrasies. should we quarrel or quarrel not? my take is still quarrel not. i hate quarrels, big or small. resolved or unresolved. just like how a crack is still a crack even if its glued back. the imminent fear of falling apart eventually, just a matter of when. 11pm tau hway @ selegie. 12am: home, tv, cyberspace. now: sleep.

architect.

capturing architect seems easier for an amateur like me. unlike people, they are stationary & the feel about them doesn't change. the above from top (left - right) (1) Armenian Street. (2) Chinatown (2) Climb Asia (3) Dilapidated shophouse (Rangoon Road) (4) before we leave.

Did you know..

that all blogger account are linked to Picasa web and all photos uploaded to your blog will be automatically uploaded to your Picasa album. On top of that, 1G worth of space to upload photos! Google is such a genius and is fast monopolizing cyberspace.

if you...
(1) use google as your search engine
(2) blogger to blog
(3) gmail as your mailing account
(4) Youtube for entertainment

You have been googled. googlified.

River Danube

Danube is the 2nd longest river in Europe after the Volga. It flows trough Germany, Austria, Slovakia, Hungary, Croatia, FR Yugoslavia, Romania, Bulgaria, Moldavia and Ukraine. Its spring is in Schwarzwald ("The Black Forest") and it mouths into the Black Sea. With many poets/musicians inspired by the river, An der schönen blauen Donau op. 314 (On the Beautiful Blue Danube) by Johann Strauss is one of such example.

River Danube may be more familiar to you as 多瑙河.

Watching 世界那么大 has been a like a visual travel via the tv box. God has really created a beautiful world for us.

hanging on

i was right. the ominous omen about sowing the seeds of my laziness, the time has come. to stay in school till 10pm, the collection of the day's activities weighing on the back of your skull with the dull headache.... would it be sadistic to describe such feelings as FAMILIAR?

supper, then an eye-shut on the bus with my favourite voice in my ears
like an imaginary friend.

keep fighting!

back to basics.
conquered hana kimi, time to get to work!

old flames

我们在一起，又多一年了。

weird feelings.

a day where i didn't feel so good since the moment i stepped into class & my nose started running non-stop. thought sleep would do me good & after i climbed to bed at 8pm, i've been breaking into sweat. something good that came out of that was that i decided to rummage around for the camera charger that i've been searching for for days, and i finally found it.

having extra time on hands now that i've stopped tutoring makes me think too much. sometimes, i feel like an over anxious person, with sweating palms, thinking that i'm very not in the situation, into the ball of things. like im not working hard enough. its a very unsettling feeling, its not nice. i start to wonder if its better my time maxed out, whining about being tired. at least there's no time nor energy to think about such things. because i would feel that i am doing my best. now, i feel like my body and soul is in a wander. but im not quite sure if i could ever handle that kind of a juggle again. tutoring 4 out of a 7day week. being in school 7 day a week. bursting emails. commitments.

weird right? i feel so too. what i hate most about it is that its beginning to affect my mood.

updates

/1/ time to pull up my socks
/2/ when that confirm button was pushed, it's official. we are going to Vietnam.
/3/ Ugly is the new beauty. Ugly Betty - thumbs up!

all of us have problems. just that they are different.

perfume

五月天: 香水

十字军从东方凯旋
献上最美的诗篇
你的魔法 爱情的霸权
为你臣服 为你捍卫
为了彻底 描写你的美
壮烈牺牲 一万朵玫瑰
再用虔诚 细细的提炼
让爱情海 吻在你耳背

你想要世界 就给你世界
让感性撒野 让理智全灭
你是 乱世最美的香水

对你深深崇拜 深深迷恋 深深的沉醉
深深爱上一种香香的狂野
对你深深崇拜 深深迷恋 深深的沉醉
深深爱上一种奉献的哲学
献上快乐 献上伤悲
献上自我 献上世界

塞纳河畔 闹市炊烟
混杂人间 小愚昧
你的出现 将气氛改写
空气转变 圣洁感觉
青苹果是 你野蛮的甜 牛奶和蜜 是你的语言
沉默尤其 是一种迷迭
当你无心 轻轻的拒绝

马蹄踏平了国界 野心磨破了披肩　
动员了麻瓜魔戒 寻找拼凑你的香味
樱桃和樱花缠绵 茉莉和魔药拼贴　
香颂和香榭调配 也许再加一点眼泪
就算你没有答应 就算你也不拒绝
就算我从不打算全身而逃全身而退
就让我活到脱轨 就让我爱到脱线
就让我为爱而生 一千世纪无间轮回
为你献上快乐伤悲 为你献上我的世界

even when bridges are burnt
what we see not,
reduces into smoke
that burns our eyes
reminding us of what was before.
let drops of perfume
be like the Aegean sea that
transcends through civilisations
kiss at the back of your ears
and appear before you the Ancient Greece
alike the human scent
unable to be encapsulated into a bottle
try as you might.

不然朋友做来干嘛？

reunion dinner with the drama peeps today was gathered at the trusted and current favourite bedok hongkong st. for cheap & good food. huddled together, hardly able to hear each other over the heavy downpour. some things/people dont change but today's latest addition was maggie's obession with acting like quan and calling drey ruixi. yes, we have all been brainwashed by hana kimi - inclusive of yb's mum. at 21 year old (some 22), we talked about uncle auntie stuff such as Toto and play new card games other than blackjack. but at the same time, we talk about hana kimi, squeeze 10 people into 1 car and play word games in the car. its like we are stuck in this transitition to adulthood, but i think that how we are always going to be if you put all of us together. somehow, the secondary school days seem to breathe its life even though someone pointed out that it has already been 6 long years since we graduated from that hill at Tanah Merah.

shadow figure

心情
是超不漂亮的。

有一天的 温柔

sheltered is when
you are propped against the door of the train
catching the sounds of
the rain pelting against the windows.

release

argggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

selfishness

the only thing that is permanent is change.
so at points in time, when people start to move further away from that concentric circle
we shrug our shoulders and suppose that's the way things are going to be.
it will probably cost not much of a worry,
until one day you realize that its difficult to even hold a conversation.
so, it is still suppose to be normal? okay?
or its just a way of comforting ourselves thats its okay to lose people along the way.
i feel that people are moving too fast for me to catch up,
sometimes maybe even too fast for me to accept.
or makes me feel selfish 'cos i just couldn't quite accept
the differences in values or lifestyle.