in search of some solace & solitude

week 5 and just like many, im trying to get into the motion of studying. which means back to the problem of feeling sleepy & having the textbook blur right before your eyes. and this is made worse by crunchyroll & the many drama series i have back at home O_O ! mak lishan's & my mom's doing.

things arent too splendid this week. i feel disappointed, angry, 委屈 abit of all at the same time. timeout.

Gravical

this is too stupid to be true

...from Noel taken on Gravical07

k

though its a SAF sponsored trip, still hope you have fun in india jf!

shit the bala

boiling point.

等待

没有言语的默契
静静的
静静的。

她静静的
把爱情美化了。

a chinese affair

trust n obey

i cant trust me with myself.
so, trust God.

on friends

for that, i'll try hard not to piss wz off too much.

i suppose its just that amongst the 3 of us, wz apple and i,
we dont happen to be the most good tempered people.

in fact, very bad tempered, very stubborn

too sacastic for our own good.

so many a times we piss each other off when we get too harsh or sacastic.

had nice date with fi

imaging

imaging eu

what makes a photographer?

life lessons

lessons in school for this term has been good so far. i'm starting to believe i made a right choice in my majors & instead of just going through the rote system, its like i have seen the big picture. the big picture. thats what ms k said time after another during our lit classes. what IS the big picture? i was frustrated at a point in time, because i could never see it and it seems impossible to see it. and i have learnt that it takes time to see the big picture. to see how this little excerpt fills up in the story.

i never had an opinion about my education. i just went through it. now i know what i enjoy out of my education & though not everything goes in accordance to your wish, the comfort lies in the knowing. regarding the future, i guess im am still at the stage where i cannot see the big picture, but then that will come in time.

life lessons. from IQ to EQ. learning to fall the right way. learning to get along with others. learning to deal with obstacles, difficulties. some people learn faster than others, some people are forced to learn faster than others. 2 points in my life, i was caught in the midst of not knowing how to react to circumstances that are not usual in the everyday life. its not a very nice feeling and you so desperately want to be taught. just somebody who can teach you how to react in this kind of circumstance. what is wrong & what is right.

and who is or what is to teach you these life lessons? for me, they come from all over. it's not about knowledge, it's about wisdom. and its not what educational systems with all its superficialities can teach. i was in primary school when my fellow friend told me: "you shouldn't run away from it". at that time, it didn't even occur to me that i was running. up till now, i dont know. maybe i was just being plain selfish.

"and now you are suddenly telling me this. how am i supposed to react?" (Ako)
"just like how you would help others in need. just react with the gentleness of your heart" (Otousan)

wusou

there were moments when i wondered,
now affirmed.
tear ducts' still working

a street away

came back home after school plus a shopping trip with wz & hl to realize that i didnt bring my keys. called a sleeping audrey, who then woke up and accompanied me. haha we barely stepped into the Cheers store in the neighbourhood when my mum called to say she was home. im just feeling fortunate that i always have somewhere nearby to run to. and i sure want to keep it that way, to stay close to my friends. thanks drey =)

1 litre of tears

yb would be happy to hear that i got myself started on 1 litre of tears. and he will probably tell me to drink 1.4 litre of water to make up for the 1 litre lost.

sexy NOT

30 minutes of Borat and I feel my braincells degenerating. I wonder what's left of Celine now.

of school & peeps

experiencing a yongtau foo moment ::

the thing to eat to warm up ourselves up from the cold blizzard in school

saturday spent in school.

afterwhich, meet up with mafia. and this is jan doing a classic jan.

(Red)efine

This is what I have been up to for the past few days - advertising class's show & tell on (Moto)Red. Just a meagre attempt at moviemaker, my legs hurt so much from walking around to find the outdoor ads to only find 2! should have taken a picture with my selfmade (red)efine tee-shirt. but glad its overr!

beautiful day

i had a bee-yoo-ti-fool day. held my ma's hands as we went shopping today (the Chers finally have a digital camera in the household today. and i got myself a new jacket.) school lasted for only 1.5hrs today before we headed off to Botak Jones to fatten ourselves up. went all the way to Clementi cos i've heard much about it from wz then on tv too. the food was jolly good & now im jolly fat. fat, fat, fatabulous.

i met up with ida yesterday too, who had graduated with her degree. came to SG to visit before going back to macau, from which she will decide on her future path. part of jc life's beauty was because of her. and da, really, i just found everything funny. u dont have to worry about me ever! i hope da finds herself in the place she can settle down in, life, job, people and be happy. cos she really deserves it...

quotes of the past week(s)

on jan who wants no marriage, no work, no babies. only dogs
absolut perfection== says:
i dun wanna work ever
hey eu says:
ok lor then u sit at home wait for ur father to feed u since u not getting married also right
then when u old ask ur dog to give u money

on girls who go for 8.30am class with full makeup c/w heels
hey eu says:
what class?
gan ann is overworked and unpaid says:
foundations of a corp comms professional
hey eu says:
so teach u how to make up?
NUDE foundation
got blusher of a corp comm professional?

on xiaoyu's intellect
Giraffe: the prawn so small later the big fish breathe and then they suck it into their nose how?Eunice: Fish don't breathe through their nose

put a smile on

thanks yieng. next time we'd do a cds version of this.
now everybody! put a smile on =D

self-sufficiency

i've never imagined myself quoting from the papers but yea, here goes.

Sumiko Tan on TheSundayTimes.
[Reflect]
"No man's an island, that's true. But the thing is, you really can't depend on others to make you happy"
"Far safer and saner for one to be self-sufficient first, and to be the source of one's own happiness" (than to depend on others)
"...and the key to that (self-sufficiency), I reckon, must be to respect yourself more - to find ways to be at peace with yourself and content with what you are and have. It is also finding a happy place within yourself you can retreat to, our own safe haven, if you like."
"i experienced a moment of that recently"

i have experienced that alot recently.

为爱而生

打开专辑时，是兴奋的。

感动的是这段：

「好渴。」

「別急，很快的你就有水喝了，那個行星有百分之七十是水喔。」

「行星?那是什麼地方?」

「是你未來九十年要生存的地方。」

「那我又是誰?」

「你現在是一團渾沌的能量，是宇宙中的虛物質，生命的准備狀態，人們通常叫你『靈魂』。」

「『靈魂?』，我會一直叫這個怪名字嗎?」

「你會有一個新名字，一個被祝福的名字。會有一個女人溫柔的生下你，餵養你，保護你。你會慢慢的長大，青春，凋零，老死。你將會擁有快樂，滿足，悲傷，憎恨。你會嚐到被呵護的甜蜜，受盡被撕裂的心痛。我保證你會有一趟難以形容的奇妙旅程。」

「為什麼?為什麼要讓我去經歷那些?」

「不為什麼，不用多想。會有一種力量引導著你，它將會讓你喜悅，瘋癲。你會變得自私，也會變得偉大。任何人都逃不過這種力量，它巨大，它聚合萬物，它甚至是行星存在的原因。」

「那是什麼?」

「時間已經到了，向著光的方向出去吧!」

「現在嗎?」

「就是現在。去活吧，去愛吧。」

我想，我们不止‘为爱而生‘，也是‘因爱而生’。

而他就是爱的来源。

要小心翼翼的爱着自己，肆无忌惮的爱着别人。

Held

things happen. and we question and we feel. but at the end of it all, i hope you find strength. Even more so when strength is not within ourselves, remember..

"This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we'd be held. "

He held me through the rough and watches me smile when it clears. "He will not leave you nor forsake you". You see, He is watching me as I smile now. He is my Alpha and my Omega, my Beginning and End, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

excited!

i finally came up with an idea for my advertising class's show and tell next friday. i just need to rap with conviction. SO exciting! that i rolled out from bed to come online to do some fact finding.

undergraduate

school has been smooth sailing so far, lessons have been interesting at some points, bearable at others, boring till death at times. that's school life for you. whilst i enjoy the independence of worklife & the fairly stable hours for work & rest, i begin to feel abit reluctant to leave school as i inch closer to being a final year student. many others feel this way & some see taking masters as a way to avoid it. well, masters is not planned for my immediate future so a nosedive into a career is the next step after varsity. i'm learning to be happy in the now, so i will think about the grass on the other side when i do get there. so i will enjoy both the joy and the pains of varsity whilst im still here.

brazil looks really beautiful on tv. ah, the world is sooo big & pretty. i so want to see them all.

ears on: u87 - Eason Chan (good for hongkie relief)

in advertising class, prof was saying something about music being a very personal thing (he was objecting to Nokia's Music Connects campaign. he thinks its the contrary). and i agree, with the part about music being very personal. and you can tell alot about a person from the music. i like rummaging through people's collection (then sieve through it and copy them over), listen in to personal lists stored in mp3 player or phone and kick yourself into that mood. im missing my radioblog already but no host currently so no choice but to let monodelphia remain quiet..! such personal style & taste for music must have made you felt at one time or another that some song is very SOMEONE. like a song that is very eunice. haha i feel that sometimes like how emorock is very dex and how repetition is very del. so if you have a very eunice number, gmail me right away! it will be quite interesting.

in love with gary

那时候爸爸总是陪我一起走路上学去

那时候妈妈总是怕我淋到雨

有时我希望回到过去 握着它的手好安心

每天我在远方担心他的白发 我想回家

为什么一定要长大

为什么世界变得好复杂

我不想独自面对眼泪流下

我只想紧紧抱着他

有时候我喜欢和朋友一起分享冒险的游戏

有时候我宁可到海边去淋雨

只是我找不到我自己我的心 其实在逃避

每天被困在幻想和现实之间 我想回家

为什么一定要长大

为什么都不说出真心话

我不想别人看穿我的倔强

我真的好想要回家

为什么一定要长大

为什么世界变得好复杂

我不想独自面对眼泪流下

我只想紧紧抱着他

我真的好想要回家

And the Lord was with Eunice

the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning
New every morning
Great is thy faithfulness O Lord
Great is thy faithfulness.

of sakae, starbucks, zara, far east plaza & coffeeclub

it did occur to me that we went to 4 different eating places in a day. and sat down more than we walked. "if only bitching burns calories" i sure hope what we discuss at coffee club can manifest.

old people

while i was lying in bed yesterday and while on the bus today back home hailing's, i thought about the past and the many people involved. i recalled the first dates, and all the moments that i still recall quite picture perfectly. its like my mind mentally clicked and captured a shot of us at Warner Bro's, at the movies. i kept seeing myself run down from class straight for the telephone booth just for that phonecall that meant so much to me. recalled abit about dad and the period of our lives which we didnt really talk much about. but it changed our lives in such a big way really, and i will not forget the feeling of not having him around. i thought about old friends i lost along the way, childhood friends with whom i spent so much time playing with. the boy with the ash blonde hair i raced with, the sisters i hung out with all the time. i guess its all this recalling, replaying from time to time, that i remember all this things still so clearly.

1st Day Year 3 Term 2 Year 2007

in school earlier than expected cos i hitched a ride to school. in a library that's too quiet for SMU, but it will fill up soon. Class was short & sweet and it was class with Xiaoyu before she grads. afterwhich, we went over to IKEA cos xiaoyu's friends (exchange students from Austria) needed to get some stuff. which made my first day of school sweet, because nobody likes to have a boring day plus meatballs are yummy. exchange students are like fresh wave of air every term since they come and go each term. and they all look so pretty.

the empty printing room.

trying on shoes @ Queenway SC.

smoo

remember my song?

we're going to the smoo, smoo, smoo
what about you, You, you?
you can come too, too, too
we are going to the Smoo, smoo, smoo!

eternal sunshine

im sure most would have read stories about how being happy or being sad is a choice, and whether a glass is half full or half empty is up to you. when we were younger, we didnt have to deal with our feelings. we only knew how to express them, we didnt have to curb them. i didnt have to tell myself it is a happy day or it was a sad day. i just went through the motion. maybe as we began to decipher what is happiness and what is not, things started to get complicated. maybe in our minds we grouped them up in their individual circles, but during our childhood, we stayed in the overlapping portion of this venn diagram.

i began to be conscious of people who are too overtly... upset and never seem to be contented. is it natural to feel this way? i don't know. but it does gets a little bit scary at times. what if they are really never happy? 10 years down the road, 20, 30 and still never happy. even in their smiles, there are shadows of sadness and something ticking at the back of their minds and hearts. like how they think happiness is just a fleeting facade, and what lies within are made of darker stuff.

scary.

i didnt even finish watching American Beauty. but everything portrayed is so dyfuctional that i think it is screwin up my mind.

i need you

Faith Hill & Tim McGraw - I Need You.
Sharing a little country - another genre that I personally like.
welcome home jan =)

2007

2007. early morning.

wrap up the to-be-forgotten. cherish the existing. anticipate the to-be and to-come. i guess thats how we celebrate a new year. this post i dedicate to ahscds, who stayed in cherished and existing for the past 9 years.

“不知道是不是不懂怎么跟别人解释
还是跟他们说，他们也不明白。
总之，我知道
无论你在哪里，只要你说我一定到。
无论什么情况，我都会站在你这边。
跟你在一起，有一种很熟悉的感觉。
很像是亲人。”
。。。 冲上云霄