twenty, ten

i had a fantastic end to 2009, it was much much more than what i anticipated. Thank God for the beautiful & memorable 09 and cheers to twenty, ten.

song of o nine

shorry shorry!

in memory of

a-yi copied a cd filled with pictures of my late ah yi.

it is weird to have a date put to her life - a reminder that her life started somewhere and ended somewhere. and in the year that has passed, we continued to laugh, to cry. there are new stories to tell, the kids gets older, we age. it has never ended. these memories have never ended.

everytime i still wish you were still here with us.

Heal the World

Michael Jackson's Oxford Speech

Heal The Kids - Oxford Speech

Oxford University, March 2001 by Michael Jackson

Thank you, thank you dear friends, from the bottom of my heart, for such a loving and spirited welcome, and thank you, Mr President, for your kind invitation to me which I am so honoured to accept. I also want to express a special thanks to you Shmuley, who for 11 years served as Rabbi here at Oxford. You and I have been working so hard to form Heal the Kids, as well as writing our book about childlike qualities, and in all of our efforts you have been such a supportive and loving friend. And I would also like to thank Toba Friedman, our director of operations at Heal the Kids, who is returning tonight to the alma mater where she served as a Marshall scholar, as well as Marilyn Piels, another central member of our Heal the Kids team.

I am humbled to be lecturing in a place that has previously been filled by such notable figures as Mother Theresa, Albert Einstein, Ronald Reagan, Robert Kennedy and Malcolm X. I've even heard that Kermit the Frog has made an appearance here, and I've always felt a kinship with Kermit's message that it's not easy being green. I'm sure he didn't find it any easier being up here than I do!

As I looked around Oxford today, I couldn't help but be aware of the majesty and grandeur of this great institution, not to mention the brilliance of the great and gifted minds that have roamed these streets for centuries. The walls of Oxford have not only housed the greatest philosophical and scientific geniuses - they have also ushered forth some of the most cherished creators of children's literature, from J.R.R. Tolkien to CS Lewis. Today I was allowed to hobble into the dining hall in Christ Church to see Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland immortalised in the stained glass windows. And even one of my own fellow Americans, the beloved Dr Seuss graced these halls and then went on to leave his mark on the imaginations of millions of children throughout the world.

I suppose I should start by listing my qualifications to speak before you this evening. Friends, I do not claim to have the academic expertise of other speakers who have addressed this hall, just as they could lay little claim at being adept at the moonwalk - and you know, Einstein in particular was really TERRIBLE at that.

But I do have a claim to having experienced more places and cultures than most people will ever see. Human knowledge consists not only of libraries of parchment and ink - it is also comprised of the volumes of knowledge that are written on the human heart, chiselled on the human soul, and engraved on the human psyche. And friends, I have encountered so much in this relatively short life of mine that I still cannot believe I am only 42. I often tell Shmuley that in soul years I'm sure that I'm at least 80 - and tonight I even walk like I'm 80! So please harken to my message, because what I have to tell you tonight can bring healing to humanity and healing to our planet.

Through the grace of God, I have been fortunate to have achieved many of my artistic and professional aspirations realised early in my lifetime. But these, friends are accomplishments, and accomplishments alone are not synonymous with who I am. Indeed, the cheery five-year-old who belted out Rockin' Robin and Ben to adoring crowds was not indicative of the boy behind the smile.

Tonight, I come before you less as an icon of pop (whatever that means anyway), and more as an icon of a generation, a generation that no longer knows what it means to be children.

All of us are products of our childhood. But I am the product of a lack of a childhood, an absence of that precious and wondrous age when we frolic playfully without a care in the world, basking in the adoration of parents and relatives, where our biggest concern is studying for that big spelling test come Monday morning.

Those of you who are familiar with the Jackson Five know that I began performing at the tender age of five and that ever since then, I haven't stopped dancing or singing. But while performing and making music undoubtedly remain as some of my greatest joys, when I was young I wanted more than anything else to be a typical little boy. I wanted to build tree houses, have water balloon fights, and play hide and seek with my friends. But fate had it otherwise and all I could do was envy the laughter and playtime that seemed to be going on all around me.

There was no respite from my professional life. But on Sundays I would go Pioneering, the term used for the missionary work that Jehovah's Witnesses do. And it was then that I was able to see the magic of other people's childhood.

Since I was already a celebrity, I would have to don a disguise of fat suit, wig, beard and glasses and we would spend the day in the suburbs of Southern California, going door-to-door or making the rounds of shopping malls, distributing our Watchtower magazine. I loved to set foot in all those regular suburban houses and catch sight of the shag rugs and La-Z-Boy armchairs with kids playing Monopoly and grandmas baby-sitting and all those wonderful, ordinary and starry scenes of everyday life. Many, I know, would argue that these things seem like no big deal. But to me they were mesmerising.

I used to think that I was unique in feeling that I was without a childhood. I believed that indeed there were only a handful with whom I could share those feelings. When I recently met with Shirley Temple Black, the great child star of the 1930s and 40s, we said nothing to each other at first, we simply cried together, for she could share a pain with me that only others like my close friends Elizabeth Taylor and McCauley Culkin know.

I do not tell you this to gain your sympathy but to impress upon you my first important point : It is not just Hollywood child stars that have suffered from a non-existent childhood. Today, it's a universal calamity, a global catastrophe. Childhood has become the great casualty of modern-day living. All around us we are producing scores of kids who have not had the joy, who have not been accorded the right, who have not been allowed the freedom, or knowing what it's like to be a kid.

Today children are constantly encouraged to grow up faster, as if this period known as childhood is a burdensome stage, to be endured and ushered through, as swiftly as possible. And on that subject, I am certainly one of the world's greatest experts.

Ours is a generation that has witnessed the abrogation of the parent-child covenant. Psychologists are publishing libraries of books detailing the destructive effects of denying one's children the unconditional love that is so necessary to the healthy development of their minds and character. And because of all the neglect, too many of our kids have, essentially, to raise themselves. They are growing more distant from their parents, grandparents and other family members, as all around us the indestructible bond that once glued together the generations, unravels.

This violation has bred a new generation, Generation O let us call it, that has now picked up the torch from Generation X. The O stands for a generation that has everything on the outside - wealth, success, fancy clothing and fancy cars, but an aching emptiness on the inside. That cavity in our chests, that barrenness at our core, that void in our centre is the place where the heart once beat and which love once occupied.

And it's not just the kids who are suffering. It's the parents as well. For the more we cultivate little-adults in kids'-bodies, the more removed we ourselves become from our own child-like qualities, and there is so much about being a child that is worth retaining in adult life.

Love, ladies and gentlemen, is the human family's most precious legacy, its richest bequest, its golden inheritance. And it is a treasure that is handed down from one generation to another. Previous ages may not have had the wealth we enjoy. Their houses may have lacked electricity, and they squeezed their many kids into small homes without central heating. But those homes had no darkness, nor were they cold. They were lit bright with the glow of love and they were warmed snugly by the very heat of the human heart. Parents, undistracted by the lust for luxury and status, accorded their children primacy in their lives.

As you all know, our two countries broke from each other over what Thomas Jefferson referred to as "certain inalienable rights". And while we Americans and British might dispute the justice of his claims, what has never been in dispute is that children have certain inalienable rights, and the gradual erosion of those rights has led to scores of children worldwide being denied the joys and security of childhood.

I would therefore like to propose tonight that we install in every home a Children's Universal Bill of Rights, the tenets of which are:

1. The right to be loved without having to earn it

2. The right to be protected, without having to deserve it

3. The right to feel valuable, even if you came into the world with nothing

4. The right to be listened to without having to be interesting

5. The right to be read a bedtime story, without having to compete with the evening news

6. The right to an education without having to dodge bullets at schools

7. The right to be thought of as adorable - (even if you have a face that only a mother could love).

Friends, the foundation of all human knowledge, the beginning of human consciousness, must be that each and every one of us is an object of love. Before you know if you have red hair or brown, before you know if you are black or white, before you know of what religion you are a part, you have to know that you are loved.

About twelve years ago, when I was just about to start my Bad tour, a little boy came with his parents to visit me at home in California. He was dying of cancer and he told me how much he loved my music and me. His parents told me that he wasn't going to live, that any day he could just go, and I said to him: "Look, I am going to be coming to your town in Kansas to open my tour in three months. I want you to come to the show. I am going to give you this jacket that I wore in one of my videos." His eyes lit up and he said: "You are gonna GIVE it to me?" I said "Yeah, but you have to promise that you will wear it to the show." I was trying to make him hold on. I said: "When you come to the show I want to see you in this jacket and in this glove" and I gave him one of my rhinestone gloves - and I never usually give the rhinestone gloves away. And he was just in heaven.

But maybe he was too close to heaven, because when I came to his town, he had already died, and they had buried him in the glove and jacket. He was just 10 years old. God knows, I know, that he tried his best to hold on. But at least when he died, he knew that he was loved, not only by his parents, but even by me, a near stranger, I also loved him. And with all of that love he knew that he didn't come into this world alone, and he certainly didn't leave it alone.

If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can he dealt with. A professor may degrade you, but you will not feel degraded, a boss may crush you, but you will not be crushed, a corporate gladiator might vanquish you, but you will still triumph. How could any of them truly prevail in pulling you down? For you know that you are an object worthy of love. The rest is just packaging.

But if you don't have that memory of being loved, you are condemned to search the world for something to fill you up. But no matter how much money you make or how famous you become, you will still fell empty. What you are really searching for is unconditional love, unqualified acceptance. And that was the one thing that was denied to you at birth.

Friends, let me paint a picture for you. Here is a typical day in America - six youths under the age of 20 will commit suicide, 12 children under the age of 20 will die from firearms - remember this is a DAY, not a year - 399 kids will be arrested for drug abuse, 1,352 babies will be born to teen mothers. This is happening in one of the richest, most developed countries in the history of the world.

Yes, in my country there is an epidemic of violence that parallels no other industrialised nation. These are the ways young people in America express their hurt and their anger. But don't think that there is not the same pain and anguish among their counterparts in the United Kingdom. Studies in this country show that every single hour, three teenagers in the UK inflict harm upon themselves, often by cutting or burning their bodies or taking an overdose. This is how they have chosen to cope with the pain of neglect and emotional agony.

In Britain, as many as 20% of families will only sit down and have dinner together once a year. Once a year! And what about the time-honoured tradition of reading your kid a bedtime story? Research from the 1980s showed that children who are read to, had far greater literacy and significantly outperformed their peers at school. And yet, less than 33% of British children ages two to eight have a regular bedtime story read to them. You may not think much of that until you take into account that 75% of their parents DID have that bedtime story when they were that age.

Clearly, we do not have to ask ourselves where all of this pain, anger and violent behaviour comes from. It is self-evident that children are thundering against the neglect, quaking against the indifference and crying out just to be noticed. The various child protection agencies in the US say that millions of children are victims of maltreatment in the form of neglect, in the average year. Yes, neglect. In rich homes, privileged homes, wired to the hilt with every electronic gadget. Homes where parents come home, but they're not really home, because their heads are still at the office. And their kids? Well, their kids just make do with whatever emotional crumbs they get. And you don't get much from endless TV, computer games and videos.

These hard, cold numbers which for me, wrench the soul and shake the spirit, should indicate to you why I have devoted so much of my time and resources into making our new Heal the Kids initiative a colossal success.

Our goal is simple - to recreate the parent/child bond, renew its promise and light the way forward for all the beautiful children who are destined one day to walk this earth.

But since this is my first public lecture, and you have so warmly welcomed me into your hearts, I feel that I want to tell you more. We each have our own story, and in that sense statistics can become personal.

They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another. I have discovered that getting parents to re-dedicate themselves to their children is only half the story. The other half is preparing the children to re-accept their parents.

When I was very young I remember that we had this crazy mutt of a dog named "Black Girl," a mix of wolf and retriever. Not only wasn't she much of a guard dog, she was such a scared and nervous thing that it is a wonder she did not pass out every time a truck rumbled by, or a thunderstorm swept through Indiana. My sister Janet and I gave that dog so much love, but we never really won back the sense of trust that had been stolen from her by her previous owner. We knew he used to beat her. We didn't know with what. But whatever it was, it was enough to suck the spirit right out of that dog.

A lot of kids today are hurt puppies who have weaned themselves off the need for love. They couldn't care less about their parents. Left to their own devices, they cherish their independence. They have moved on and have left their parents behind.

Then there are the far worse cases of children who harbour animosity and resentment toward their parents, so that any overture that their parents might undertake would be thrown forcefully back in their face.

Tonight, I don't want any of us to make this mistake. That's why I'm calling upon all the world's children - beginning with all of us here tonight - to forgive our parents, if we felt neglected. Forgive them and teach them how to love again.

You probably weren't surprised to hear that I did not have an idyllic childhood. The strain and tension that exists in my relationship with my own father is well documented. My father is a tough man and he pushed my brothers and me hard, from the earliest age, to be the best performers we could be.

He had great difficulty showing affection. He never really told me he loved me. And he never really complimented me either. If I did a great show, he would tell me it was a good show. And if I did an OK show, he told me it was a lousy show.

He seemed intent, above all else, on making us a commercial success. And at that he was more than adept. My father was a managerial genius and my brothers and I owe our professional success, in no small measure, to the forceful way that he pushed us. He trained me as a showman and under his guidance I couldn't miss a step.

But what I really wanted was a Dad. I wanted a father who showed me love. And my father never did that. He never said I love you while looking me straight in the eye, he never played a game with me. He never gave me a piggyback ride, he never threw a pillow at me, or a water balloon.

But I remember once when I was about four years old, there was a little carnival and he picked me up and put me on a pony. It was a tiny gesture, probably something he forgot five minutes later. But because of that moment I have this special place in my heart for him. Because that's how kids are, the little things mean so much to them and for me, that one moment meant everything. I only experienced it that one time, but it made me feel really good, about him and the world.

But now I am a father myself, and one day I was thinking about my own children, Prince and Paris and how I wanted them to think of me when they grow up. To be sure, I would like them to remember how I always wanted them with me wherever I went, how I always tried to put them before everything else. But there are also challenges in their lives. Because my kids are stalked by paparazzi, they can't always go to a park or a movie with me.

So what if they grow older and resent me, and how my choices impacted their youth? Why weren't we given an average childhood like all the other kids, they might ask? And at that moment I pray that my children will give me the benefit of the doubt. That they will say to themselves: "Our daddy did the best he could, given the unique circumstances that he faced. He may not have been perfect, but he was a warm and decent man, who tried to give us all the love in the world."

I hope that they will always focus on the positive things, on the sacrifices I willingly made for them, and not criticise the things they had to give up, or the errors I've made, and will certainly continue to make, in raising them. For we have all been someone's child, and we know that despite the very best of plans and efforts, mistakes will always occur. That's just being human.

And when I think about this, of how I hope that my children will not judge me unkindly, and will forgive my shortcomings, I am forced to think of my own father and despite my earlier denials, I am forced to admit that me must have loved me. He did love me, and I know that.

There were little things that showed it. When I was a kid I had a real sweet tooth - we all did. My favourite food was glazed doughnuts and my father knew that. So every few weeks I would come downstairs in the morning and there on the kitchen counter was a bag of glazed doughnuts - no note, no explanation - just the doughnuts. It was like Santa Claus.

Sometimes I would think about staying up late at night, so I could see him leave them there, but just like with Santa Claus, I didn't want to ruin the magic for fear that he would never do it again. My father had to leave them secretly at night, so as no one might catch him with his guard down. He was scared of human emotion, he didn't understand it or know how to deal with it. But he did know doughnuts.

And when I allow the floodgates to open up, there are other memories that come rushing back, memories of other tiny gestures, however imperfect, that showed that he did what he could. So tonight, rather than focusing on what my father didn't do, I want to focus on all the things he did do and on his own personal challenges. I want to stop judging him.

I have started reflecting on the fact that my father grew up in the South, in a very poor family. He came of age during the Depression and his own father, who struggled to feed his children, showed little affection towards his family and raised my father and his siblings with an iron fist. Who could have imagined what it was like to grow up a poor black man in the South, robbed of dignity, bereft of hope, struggling to become a man in a world that saw my father as subordinate. I was the first black artist to be played on MTV and I remember how big a deal it was even then. And that was in the 80s!

My father moved to Indiana and had a large family of his own, working long hours in the steel mills, work that kills the lungs and humbles the spirit, all to support his family. Is it any wonder that he found it difficult to expose his feelings? Is it any mystery that he hardened his heart, that he raised the emotional ramparts? And most of all, is it any wonder why he pushed his sons so hard to succeed as performers, so that they could be saved from what he knew to be a life of indignity and poverty?

I have begun to see that even my father's harshness was a kind of love, an imperfect love, to be sure, but love nonetheless. He pushed me because he loved me. Because he wanted no man ever to look down at his offspring.

And now with time, rather than bitterness, I feel blessing. In the place of anger, I have found absolution. And in the place of revenge I have found reconciliation. And my initial fury has slowly given way to forgiveness.

Almost a decade ago, I founded a charity called Heal the World. The title was something I felt inside me. Little did I know, as Shmuley later pointed out, that those two words form the cornerstone of Old Testament prophecy. Do I really believe that we can heal this world, that is riddled with war and genocide, even today? And do I really think that we can heal our children, the same children who can enter their schools with guns and hatred and shoot down their classmates, like they did at Columbine? Or children who can beat a defenceless toddler to death, like the tragic story of Jamie Bulger? Of course I do, or I wouldn't be here tonight.

But it all begins with forgiveness, because to heal the world, we first have to heal ourselves. And to heal the kids, we first have to heal the child within, each and every one of us. As an adult, and as a parent, I realise that I cannot be a whole human being, nor a parent capable of unconditional love, until I put to rest the ghosts of my own childhood.

And that's what I'm asking all of us to do tonight. Live up to the fifth of the Ten Commandments. Honour your parents by not judging them. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

That is why I want to forgive my father and to stop judging him. I want to forgive my father, because I want a father, and this is the only one that I've got. I want the weight of my past lifted from my shoulders and I want to be free to step into a new relationship with my father, for the rest of my life, unhindered by the goblins of the past.

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.

To all of you tonight who feel let down by your parents, I ask you to let down your disappointment. To all of you tonight who feel cheated by your fathers or mothers, I ask you not to cheat yourself further. And to all of you who wish to push your parents away, I ask you to extend you hand to them instead. I am asking you, I am asking myself, to give our parents the gift of unconditional love, so that they too may learn how to love from us, their children. So that love will finally be restored to a desolate and lonely world.

Shmuley once mentioned to me an ancient Biblical prophecy which says that a new world and a new time would come, when "the hearts of the parents would be restored through the hearts of their children". My friends, we are that world, we are those children.

Mahatma Gandhi said: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Tonight, be strong. Beyond being strong, rise to the greatest challenge of all - to restore that broken covenant. We must all overcome whatever crippling effects our childhoods may have had on our lives and in the words of Jesse Jackson, forgive each other, redeem each other and move on.

This call for forgiveness may not result in Oprah moments the world over, with thousands of children making up with their parents, but it will at least be a start, and we'll all be so much happier as a result.

And so ladies and gentlemen, I conclude my remarks tonight with faith, joy and excitement.

From this day forward, may a new song be heard.

Let that new song be the sound of children laughing.

Let that new song be the sound of children playing.

Let that new song be the sound of children singing.

And let that new song be the sound of parents listening.

Together, let us create a symphony of hearts, marvelling at the miracle of our children and basking in the beauty of love.

Let us heal the world and blight its pain.

And may we all make beautiful music together.

God bless you, and I love you.

out of the ordinary

friend expressed shocked when i told her im going for zoukout. lets just say im not shocked by her shock. it wasn't something i thought i would go for but i did. fun enough but not worth the effort. the poor taxi driver who had to brave through the jam to sentosa and only accepted $16 from me because thats all the cash i had and he couldnt nets it. i am still feel extremely embarassed and eternally grateful towards the uncle.

dinner tonight was spent at the karaoke, with the family no less. i thought it was going to be disastrous - being a culture shock for the kids and all. fortunately the kids got pretty psyched after warming up to the environment, then it became a culture shock to my parents hearing them singing to taylor swift, lady gaga etc.

different is good for a change.

look at my beautiful family

my first roll of film from my golden-half.

well..

think thank again

random facts about eu #19328

i totally hate wrapping presents

overeating.

i will never know what i am doing is correct. and that my refusal to help is pushing him towards the right direction or just pushing him further and further away.

meet simba

@ the photoshoot (for the co's yearbook) today, we met simba.

happy weekend

1. went click happy with my new toy. have been eyeing the golden-half since last year and finally bought it as a year end present to myself.

2. it was also adrenalin happy over at sentosa on thursday for the co. 's celebration party. we all had a try at the segway, the luge & the flying fox - adrenalin rushh.

3. everyone got a little too alcohol happy at the dinner party later on. there was booze, a pool, a population dominated by males in the co. - it's almost a fool-proof formula to get dunked in the pool.

4. it was off to jb over fri & sat to celebrate popo's bday. everytime there's an extended family gathering, it ALWAYS feels like chinese new year - when the home is way too packed and way too noisy (this year we even had fireworks). you dont want to know how it feels like to have 11 kids packed in the same place.

happy happy

berrer berrer berrer!

remembre to let her into your hart...umm ummumm..then..you can start to make it bearer bearer bearer...ahhhhh!ahhhH! nna na naa naa naa naa naaa !



and more and berrer berrer berrer ahhhhH!!

change.

need a new hair.

生命有一种可能

严格说起来，我们并不认识。

第一次的对话是因为你要确认上课的地点。严格来说，这好像也不算对话。

毕业1年后，在很偶然的情况下，我发现原来在10年前我们就已经同校。在那山上的学校度过了4年的青春。 可能我们擦肩而过已无数次。

这一次，我看到的人应该是你。 11年后，我们还是不认识对方。这一点让我想了很多。如果在某个机会， 我们认识了对方， 我们是否会成为朋友？若是朋友，过10年后我们是否还联系？

会不会有可能，有一天，你也认得我。你会不会叫住我？还是和我一样没勇气。

有没有可能，你也记得曾经上过同各课程的我， 然后一样从校刊里看见同个人。（man, the horror!)

赫然发现有无数的可能，只是, 可能没发生。

kantoi!

Why am I with u - I pun tak tahu
No wonderlah my friends pun tak suka you

you never know

What a laugh, though. To think that one human being could ever really know another. You could get used to each other, get so habituated that you could speak their words right along with them, but you never knew why other people said what they said or did what they did, because they never even knew themselves. Nobody understands anybody.
— Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Hegemon

biological clock

i think its time for quotes of the day.

1. "my biological clock is ticking"
2. "! what do you mean by your biological clock is ticking?! you feel old, needy, horny?"
3. "SDU!"

what? is 25 the new 40?

amigos

time to time i get this feeling of "man, i miss my friends"

mannn i miss my friends!!

you are not wrong (about love). you were just wrong about me

sorrysorrysorrysorry!

shit. i need to get the bollywood song dubbed in korean out of my system. sorrysorrysorrysorry!

southeastasianface

for the nth time, i am not filipino!

heart & sweat

for the past few months, i've been working on a particular project which requires me to give a training to the entire field sales force. After many discussions with my boss, my team, the management, colleagues, doing up presentations slides, changing presentation slides, discussion, more changes, OT, OT , OT, it all paid off last night. all the positive encouragements i've got made it all worthwhile.

and manda: i was THISSSSSS close to going fly with them. haha!

back to sleep.

影子

今天我看到了自己的影子。一直以來，我以為我站的是純粹的光亮，
沒有影子，沒有矛盾，直到今天，我才看見自己的黑暗面。

吳英雄 ：： 痞子英雄

the drama in my life (i try to make it more exciting)

more screw ups at work. gastric flu & lucky i didnt puke on the train instead. my dark eyerings can actually get worse!

that's as much excitment as you can get for now.

and out.

我的脆弱堅強

我的脆弱堅強 互相作戰
理性與感性 失去平衡感
不想讓自己 活在過去的遺憾

問宇宙 他是否還愛我嗎
這問題 早就有答案

若你碰到了 替我問候他
告訴他 我過得很美滿
已忘記他 已把淚水全部擦乾

若你碰到了 替我問候他
祝福他和他的另一半
不在乎他 不再愛也不再等待

就這樣吧 若你碰到他

我的自私慷慨 互相挑戰
黑夜白天顛倒 造成困擾
常在最樂觀時 突然跌進沮喪
為何失戀後想恢復那麼困難
只好找些催眠的話

愛 沒有絕對 雖曾經以為
我終於體會 愛不能倒退
該讓它頹廢 收起心碎

Tanya Chua: 若你碰到他

scatterbrain

i'm always either screwed over by my own laziness or forgetfulness.

kao.

formula one

weekend

happy weekend all.

hang your dirty laundry

dirty laundry

i have friends with bad habit

passerby

原来你早就出现

还是不懂

如果爱是我们最初认为的永恒不变。那我们都没爱过。

what's left?

Into the Wild

忘了该喊痛

"...忘记什么时候不喊痛了，后来也就慢慢说不出口了。"
败犬女王

wake up

circa, 29 Aug 2009
f.m goes wakeboarding.

如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价

曾几何时我快乐了
曾几何时我难过了
曾几何时我疯狂了
曾几何时我寂寞了
曾几何时我爱过了
曾几何时我哭过了

我快乐，我难过，我疯狂，我寂寞， 我爱过，我哭过。

鱼---陈琦贞

我坐在椅子上 看日出复活
我坐在夕阳里 看城市的衰弱
我摘下一片叶子 让它代替我
观察离开后的变化

曾经狂奔舞蹈贪婪的说话
随着冷的时代幸福花
带不走的丢不掉的 让大雨侵蚀吧
让他推想我在辩解奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价
别让我飞 将我温柔环绕


我坐在椅子上 看日出复活
我坐在夕阳里 看城市的衰弱
我摘下一片叶子 让它代替我
观察离开后的变化

曾经狂奔舞蹈 贪婪的说话
随着冷的时代幸福花
带不走的留不下的 我全都交付他
让他捧着我在手掌自由自在挥洒
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳

带不走的丢不掉的让大雨侵蚀吧
让它推想我在辩解奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
我会疯狂的哀伤

带不走的留不下的我全都交付他
让他捧着我在手掌自由自在挥洒
如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价
别让我飞 将我温柔环绕
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳

stupid men

“It’s called civilization. Women invented it, and every time you men blow it all to bits, we just invent it again.”
— Orson Scott Card

irked.

its been quite the horrible week.

first off, i haven't been eating well due to this huge ulcer at the back of my mouth. i initially thought it was the whole wisdom teeth issue which i conveniently swept under the carpet since they didnt hurt (yet). i've been surviving on porridge, lots of soup, mashed potatoes. even drinking hurts.

i've been really sick of work. even so, i rejected the doctor's offer to take an MC and tried to be responsible. but in the end all i got was a feeling of being backstabbed by a closed door conversation - which i probably will never find out what went on behind those closed doors.

the day life begins

....the best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. no apologies or excuses. no one to lean on, rely on, or blame. the gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. this is the day your life really begins..
Bob Moawad

beautiful friends, beautiful day

circa August 2009

台湾

i left a part of my heart in taiwan last year. with the family whom so graciously hosted us and treated us like their own children and the island with its cosmopolitan taipei and allure of the pacific ocean and the central mountains.

也因为有了这对台湾的特别感情，所以对这几天的台风新闻报道有所感触。很难可以想象一整座酒店可以倒塌。或整个村子会变成平地。

希望还没机会去的台南和台东能找回家人。

why do you let me stay here

She & Him - why do you let me stay here.

and yes, i will definately catch (500) Days of Summer.

recognition

wooohoooooooooooooooooooo!

world is your oyster

on sunday, i decided to join my dad and uncle for fishing. it felt like i was back to being dad's little girl, back to the days he brought us fishing, cycling.

and it felt absolutely great to be at the beach. there's always something alluring about the sea and the crash of the waves.

i wasnt very good at fishing so i began shucking little oysters instead. i wouldn't have known that they were actually oyster if not for my dad cos they just look like random barnacles. something like this. it was fun in a way and easy enough cos oysters swim off. some people started to come up and see what we were doing and 2 little boys looked so curious so i just asked them if they would like to try and have a hand at it. they were too shy initially to say yes but eventually they couldnt hide their curiosity so i taught them.

it was such a nice day.

doing things differently

i think this guy makes alot of sense. David Belle is said to be the founder of parkour, and he's a 29th April too.

"we can teach courage but we also teach alot of fear
.....David Belle"

friday im in love

it's friday and im counting down to shopping time laters. And the fact that I am able to write shows that activities here at the office has mellowed down from the crazy-over-the-top weeks to the usual hubbub. and im so glad its friday, cos the weekends are the only breaks i get now. i haven’t been able to clear any leave because its either (1) too busy, (2) boss is away or (3) colleague is away. The only time i managed to ‘escape’ was when I fell sick and was on MC last friday.

but other than that, its so fwah so good. there's work and there's good fun too. i've gotten new projects on hand whilst things on the trade side are warming up to the race season. and there's also our girls' day out, or sponsored lunches, party invites, family day.

at least im no longer that lost lamb in the herd now, not so lost anyway.

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's friday i'm in love
.......The Cure - Friday I'm In Love

i love (the perks of) my job.

ots

psst, his name is gabe bondoc! and he's so good i decide to put him on mp3.

things i run away from.

1) meaningless conversations. of the standard Q&A like what's up because well nothing's up everything's the same, like always. of people dumping their emotional state of being on me and maybe expecting me to deal with it. it's like throwing me a rhectorical question, which you don't need an answer but you expect me to respond.

2) msn

3) eye contact at close proximity.

4) civil wars

i hope you are happy this friday

思念

i don't think you ever left our minds. sometimes it feels like you are never gone and sometimes its a reminder that you are.

we miss you.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore?

If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?

Whatever you imagined is wrong. There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love.

...OTH

mid year review

had my first formal performance review with my boss today and (thank goodness) it was more of a moral boost than a downer. she gave me more credit than i thought i should be given and hopefully i get the pay raise more than i expected too. yosh!

twenty years from now

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did.” ............Mark Twain

Changing lives, one post-it at a time..

this is a senior thesis film which i stumbled upon. i love it.

tears for fears

i am afraid of the day i stop crying.

and i am afraid if one day i start crying and never stop.

murmurings.

today is the day which i surfed too much, moved too little, craved for sushi amongst many other things. it rained alot too. and i found great music.



Lex Land - Orange Days on Lemon Street

it would appear not

i was rummaging through all the rubbish and i found this -

comments from ms k on my block test 2: "are eunice's strategies effective? from these results it would appear not."

i wonder what she would say about me now. from these results? probably the same things.

decluttering

maybe the reason for my reaction was that,

as you entertained each and every passing sad thought, everyday i pushed them away. every doubt, every suspicion, every possibility, every fear, sadness and bad memory, away from me. compressed, winzipped, all of them and try not to run out of space.

this world we live in, goodnight tree hill.

Blue Ice

one more place added to list - Norway!

Jostedal Glacier National Park is a national park in Norway that encompasses the largest glacier on the European mainland, Jostedalsbreen.

something wrong with blogger now. cant seem to display the pics, will share them next time!

Other pictureque reasons to go to Norway from straightfromthecask

couchpotatoing

oh my goodness. now i know the power of pipi!

black or white

you! me! dancing!

Los Campesinos - You! Me! Dancing!

See our evolution in the beginning for the MV, the music expresses it perfectly.

If there's one thing I could never confess
It's that I can't dance a single step

It's you!
It's me!
And there's dancing!

i'm hanging out with my colleagues later, for some saturday shopping and hangabouts since our family day has been cancelled due to the whole flu saga. the point saying is that, comparing to this quote "and now we work to silence, work related questions, dry laughs if any. no jokes are cracked because there's nothing to make fun of and neither would the colleagues find it funny" unquote. lunch now is always filled with much laughter, and we've also made it for some midweek magaritas and mojitos (Cuba Libre) as well. friends!

today is a friday

e: "please tell me today's friday"
j: "today is friday"
e: "do i have to go to work tomorrow?"
j: "yes you have to go to work tomorrow."

urgs. the morning after the midweek dinner is always so difficult.

a saturday walk

Learning to Swim

my mum is very like that

you will show me the path of life

little people

"in your presence is fullness of joy" psalms 16:11

in a funny anecdote i heard on a variety show last night, this was the comment made on working life "in the morning, we think of what to eat for lunch and after lunch we think about where to go for dinner and drinks. and the pocket of time in between, we think of where to go for the next holiday and when to take the next leave"

maybe we should live more in the now. then again, you know i'll never stop thinking about the next trip.

you, jesus

Who compares to You?
Who set the stars in their place?
You who calmed the raging seas
That came crashing over me.

Who compares to You?
You who bring the morning light,
The hope of all the earth
Is rest assured in Your great love.

You are magnificent,
Eternally wonderful, glorious.
Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus.

Where the evening fades,
You call forth songs of joy.
As the morning wakes,
We Your children give You praise.

Jesus, no one ever will compare
To You, Jesus.
No one ever will compare
To You, Jesus.

wired.

hello everybody.... meet my new metal =)

*waves!

生存以上，生活以下

its been really hectic here in the office - with new projects and new changes. in this job, at some point i feel that i am on top of the game and within control.i do my job and i go home on time. on other days, i'm given random assignments which pulls me into another ball game altogether. its really draining and it makes you really wonder how we are able to get up, travel, work, travel, home/eat/sleep. 5 days a week multiplied by 40 years

am i making you sad already? i am making myself sad already.

連刷牙 也照著節奏 沖了馬桶 洗了臉上的疲憊泡沫
沒有夢 昨夜沒有夢 鏡子裡的 陌生人已經不再做夢
上課鐘 變成打卡鐘 單行道般 的人生流失在車陣中
進行曲 規律的平庸 活的像是 一句標語押韻而服從

午餐是 隨便還是 都好還是 跟你一樣 的任何一種
奇怪呢 很久以前 我是很有 想法主見 心跳很執著
傷心再也不吹風 現在只害怕傷風 耽誤了誰和誰的要求
一天一天看日昇日落 看月圓月缺 年復一年的經過 看誰把我變成現在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 錯了又錯的疼痛 終於我的生命只剩生存
活著只會呼吸吃飯喝水的生活

小時候 只要看天空 枕著白雲 就覺得全世界都擁有
長大了 擁有的更多 為何感覺 到越來越匱乏越貧窮
那一年 只追逐自由 現在只能 追逐著漲不停的石油
是不是 地殼又震動 要從家裡 震落才悔恨這樣生活

生活的 反面會是 死去還是 這般生存 不再有衝動
閉上眼 就能感覺 生命正在 一分一秒 飛奔遠離我

還不如一隻昆蟲 至少能破繭展翅 飛像那被奪走的天空
一天一天看日昇日落 看月圓月缺 年復一年的經過 看誰把我變成現在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 錯了又錯的疼痛 終於我的生命只剩生存
活著只會呼吸吃飯喝水的生活

一年有 三百六十 五個日子 五十二萬 五千多分鐘
一生有 三十四億 五千六百 七十八萬 九千下脈搏

為愛而生之後 生命要怎麼揮霍 直到我化成煙的時候 一天一天
看日昇日落 看月圓月缺 年復一年的經過 看誰把我變成現在的我
怕潮起潮落 怕患得患失 錯了又錯的疼痛 終於我的生命只剩生存
活著只會呼吸吃飯喝水的生活

連刷牙 也照著節奏 然後設定了明天 六點半的鬧鐘

......五月天 - 生存以上，生活以下 (後青春期的詩 )

u are not a fiasco

just in case we get into the whole deep hole of mulling over THAT something, i have this for you from Elizabethtown:

Drew Baylor: [voiceover] There's a diffrence between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic propotions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to other's to make other people feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.

STILL mulling over the loss nor lack of direction?

Hollie Baylor: I was still waiting for everything to start, and now it's over.

i love this show.

the dogged and the flea

gan wanted to find an outlet to get rid of her old clothes so hence the stall she booked at the flea coming up in June. I'd be helping her, so if anyoneof you have clothes/bags/accessories you are sick of, u can clear them off to the garang guni here!

Lenka : Anything I'm Not

I will never be, I will never be tall, no
And I will never be, never ever be sure, of it all
Oh, why's the world so cruel to me
When all, all I ever want to be is anything I'm not
Gimme a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
Anything I'm not.
I will never be, I will never be you, no
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know,
But oh, even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this harsh reality

take courage

"have courage to live a crazy life"
...printed on a cafe's window in CBD

going out?

for the uninitiated, hola! life without the laptop and being disconnected from the cyber world means limited surfing from the office, no youtubing, no msn-ing, no chatboards. bt that also meas more time and more initiative to go out and hang out. there's a couple of changes to my current lifestyle, one of the most important to me is attending church regularly.

if i were to use the analogy of being in a romantic relationship, what best describes how i feel now is that, i used to think that there's nothing to lose being single. there's nothing to be upset about, life still goes on and life can still be beautiful. but when you get back into a relationship, and in this instance meaning me getting back into the relationship with God, u realize it's not about what you lost but more so of what you gain. be it knowingly or unknowingly, tangible or intangible, somehow somewhere something changed for me.

and also in the very same way for shar - from meeting only a few times a year, i now see her every sunday. its not that i lost a friend in the past, she was always there when i needed her. but yet now i still feel that i gained back something precious to me, and i do treasure and see the blessing of this friendship more.

so, that's the cup half-full version of my life.

more on going out...
Australia ?
Taiwan (kending kending kending) - $300 return airtickets ??
Korea ?

May day May day. SOS

For the past 2 years, May has been the month for traveling and it meant no school for the next 3 months. And this is the first year for my friends and I after 16 years of formal education, that there is no such thing as a month long break.

its ironic. how we used to have time and no money, and now money but no time. and i am just not so ready to embrace the idea of just a weekend getaway, it feels like i am short changing myself and the idea of a traveling.

sore.

about old friends

the thing about old friends is that they know you. they know what you are trying to express even as you try to find the words to do so. they elicit the response that you what, and they feel the same way as you do. like how we crave the same food, or how we all itched to go ktv while watching the musical.

even more than that, they know your family. they know the situation, they know the difficulties. the was, the had been. and more important than that, they take time and find chance to know about the now. they explore the possibilites of a family business, and hear you talk about sending your parents for english classes. they tell you that they are desperate to meet you and that this 1 to 1 conversation is good. they spend time to take long meals together, because that when we get to talk to one another.

they discuss with you about your future and the reminisce the past with you. they tell you how much they appreciate the fact that you know what they are talking about. and how you are different. and they look back at all that happened and tell you that they felt touched about this friendship the same way as you do. and yes, they feel that our friendship is really "damn solid" too. we come together to laugh, we see the tears that arent cried. we can bitch with just eye communication too.

and the lesson to learnt from this is that, all these above doesnt come by chance or effortlessly. for every friendship kept, there is that someone holding on to that string of yours, tugging it every once in a while to make sure you arent lost in sight.

so here's to you, who has kept me for all these years.

loves.

the rock mafia thing

f.m surprised me by inviting the climbing folks over for my birthday celebration this sunday. its not so much of the celebration per se, but to see that 2 different groups of friends are able to eat, laugh & play together that means most to me. thanks girls everything!

The Bride IS Beautiful

"Her organs were shutting down but it would not stop her from marrying Nick Godwin, 23, who had been in love with Katie since 11th grade."

http://www.romainblanquart.com

ning ning

on the left is ning ning. she's waddles like a duck, goes in search of the dog & likes beer. that silly kid was all alone squatting in the kitchen attemping to drink that can of beer when i spotted her from the dining table. i just had to take the picture.

宝贝

宝贝 - 张悬

我的宝贝宝贝
给你一点甜甜
让你今夜都好眠
我的小鬼小鬼
逗逗你的眉眼
让你喜欢这世界
哇啦啦啦啦啦我的宝贝
倦的时候有个人陪
哎呀呀呀呀呀我的宝贝
要你知道你最美
让你今夜很好眠
逗逗你的小脸
让你喜欢整个明天
孤单时有人把你想念

this reminds me of ah ma.

阿嬷 (grandma) 是个温柔的女人。她在我家而见到我回家时，阿嬷会说“宝贝，你回来了啊” 。 有一次，她拿着我的书包说：“宝贝，你的书包很重嘞”。 ‘宝贝’这个名词中她的嘴巴说出，不是肉麻的。而是带来丝丝的温暖，让我觉得好爱这位温柔的女人。

ahoy southern ridges

April's List

1. Southern Ridges (conquered!)
2. 天冷就回来 (link)
3. Uniqlo (link)
4. Lomo (35mm film) (link)
5. Casual Poet (link)
6. Revive/Replace Knots
7. Zsofi Tapas Bar
8. Durian Puff at GoodWoodPark

(Update 16 Apr): sadly, knots cant be revived.

the contradictions & beauty of life.via casualpoet.

疯狂的哀伤

鱼 陈绮贞
作词：陈绮贞 作曲：陈绮贞

我坐在椅子上 看日出复活
我坐在夕阳里 看城市的衰弱
我摘下一片叶子 让它代替我
观察离开后的变化
　　
曾经狂奔舞蹈贪婪的说话
随着冷的湿的心腐化
带不走的丢不掉的让大雨侵蚀吧
让他推想我在辩解奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个怀抱勇敢不计代价
别让我飞 将我温柔环绕
　　
…
　　
带不走的留不下的我全都交付他
让他捧着我在手掌自由自在挥洒
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
原谅我飞 曾经眷恋太阳
　　
带不走的丢不掉的让大雨侵蚀吧
让它推想我在辩解奋不顾身挣扎
如果有一个世界浑浊的不像话
我会疯狂的哀伤

negative externalities

many a times, its not about you. its not about how hard you try, how hard you work, how good you are. many a times, its not about just doing your part and living your own life. because, shit is bound to come. shit that aint yours, problems that you didnt create. but they become your problem and you end up cleaning up someone else's shit. its like.. the recession, like pollution.. like responsibility and like no choice.

there is very good term for this in economics, its called negative externalities. and you can't escape from it.

we is not camel, we is need a drink

it's a friday i know. technically, its time to be happy - but considering the heartburn that work is giving me - its not such a happy friday

quote of the day
“we distrust camels or anyone who can go for a week without a drink”

blessings

all the things i've been blessed with:

1) able to return back to the wall and actually enjoying the climb. to actually miss climbing and now, its no longer a chore but a recreational activity which i all along wanted it to be.
2) wine
3) friends who are excited about PJ party, movies & guitar hero
4) friends who send me home
5) friends at work (YES finally!)
6) dinner to go home to
7) claimable cab fares
8) friends who love ktv as much as i do
9) O.S that says "omg, did God hear what I say"
10) a good job

im counting them

domokun

RARRR!! this is for fi & amanda.

Q1 2009

on monday, i wished it was friday again. fortunately tomorrow's the friday i've been waiting for!

this week was made more interesting by the van attachment i was on yesterday - doing sales with the guy. fortunately (with a bit of warped luck), i was with someone i am more comfortable hanging out with, so at least i had a good mix of work and jokes... Although i think he 'bullied' me into doing work more than the other girls who went on the attachment earlier on, because i helped in everything short of driving! but it good to do some manual work after facing the computer and numbers most of the time, so i do find it fun whenever i get to help out at the store etc.

time passes really fast. in school we segregate the year into semesters & terms and in work - quarters. Well, 1 quarter of the year is ending soon and i guess so far so good!!

黑角

每每在看舞林大道的时候， 都会有不由自主地在他们跳完后拍起手来。（还好通常都是我一个人在家）
如果说 b-boys 是一群爱抹地的人，那黑角真是一群很强的抹地boys. 他们的创意。。真的。


transformers
b-boys in india
rabbit & turtle race
heart 维大力! he's a gymnast representing Taiwan.

TGIF.

my cup overfloweth.